[Comes home to find all their possessions gone] OH MY GOD!
Joey[Yelling from inside the entertainment center] WHAT?
[letting Joey out] Are you alright?
Joey
Aw man, he said he wouldn't take the chairs!
What the hell happened? How were you locked in and where the hell is all of our stuff?!
Joey
This guy came by to look at the unit and he didn't think it was big enough to fit a grown man.
So you got in there voluntarily?
Joey
I was trying to make a sale. Oh man if I ever see that guy again, you know what I'm gonna do?
Joey
Please don't kick Monica and Rachel out! This wasn't their fault, it was mine.
TMr. Treeger
You want me to kick you guys out instead?
Joey
No, you can't do that. Where would the chick and the duck live?
TMr. Treeger
You have pets?
Joey
No-no-no-no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.
TMr. Treeger
Huh... I would've thought it was the other way around.
Joey
What the hell was that?
Joey
Kathy was being nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.
What do you want from me?
Joey
I want you to like her! But if that's too damn difficult for you, then the least you could do is pretend!
Joey
Well, then do it better.
Okay, uh, what do you say I go over there and tell her how much I like her? [Joey gives Chandler a thumbs-up.] No, no, it'll be good. I can tell her how much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment we met. That I'm so fantastically over-the-top want-to-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!
Joey
Well, that's pretty good, but you wanna tone it down a little.
Joey
Her place was really that bad?
You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, like that -- only, instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived!
Joey
And what? Did you sleep with her?
No! No, I just kissed her.
Joey
What?! That's even worse!
Joey
I don't know, but it's the same!
Look, Joey, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I think I'm in love with her.
Joey
Who cares?! You went behind my back? I would never do that to you!
You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey
Over the line? You -- you're -- you're so far past the line, that you -- you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
[entering] Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Nooo!! Gandalf?! Gandalf is coming to town?
Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandalf dude!
Dude, we are sooo gonna party!
Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?
Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson, only like the funnest guy in the world.
I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
I’m gonna call after you!
This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
CRChandler and Ross
Woooo!!!
All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Joey
Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandalf is like the party wizard!
Joey
Well, why do you call him Gandalf?
Gandalf the wizard. [Joey is still confused] Hello! Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey
No, I had sex in high school.
[Ross begins the lightning round with questions for Joey and Chandler]
What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey
Big Fat Goalie.
Correct. [A stung Monica reacts] Rachel claims this is her favourite movie.
Correct. Her actual favourite is-
Joey
Weekend at Bernie's!
Correct. [Rachel gasps] In which part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14? [Chandler thinks, then whispers in Ross's ear] Eww, no!! [Monica winces] Her ear! Monica categorises her towels. How many categories are there?
Joey
Everyday-use.
Joey
Guest.
Joey
Eleven?!
[clicking time]Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct. All right, that's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up. [The teams trade places, doing the double-fist bumps to each other] Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now. What is Joey's favorite food?
Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was...
Correct. His profession was...
Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?
Oh, gosh! Does it have something to do with numbers?
And he carries a briefcase.
Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
It has something to do with transponding.
Oh, oh! He's a transponds...transponster!
That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this... [Ross clicks time--they've lost the apartment] NO!!!
Joey
OK, for next time, what do you say?
I have an extra ticket, an extra ticket, not two tickets. I have an extra ticket.
So the first time you asked a guy out he turned you down?
He didn't turn me down. He's at the game isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it.
Friends · 771 quotes
