Joey Tribbiani quotes from Friends

Ross

We knew we had two weeks together and thats it.

Joey

Thats what all my relationships are like.

Chandler

But in Ross's case they both know two weeks is it.

Joey

Feel better now?

Phoebe

Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day. I'm going to eat, like you know, millions of cows.

Joey

Hey, what if I said I could even things out for you, meatwise?

Phoebe

What?

Joey

Well, I eat a lot of meat, right?

Phoebe

Yeah.

Joey

But suppose until the baby's born, I laid off it? No extra animals would die, you'd just be eating my animals.

Phoebe

Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.

Joey

Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian! There's no meat in beer, right?

Ross

If she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait, wait. Unless eventually I call her, you know, just to see what's going on, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over.

Joey

Way to be strong, man!

Chandler

I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault!

Joey

Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza-delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money and leaves!

Chandler

What? No "Nice apartment. I bet the bedrooms are huge?"

Joey

No! Nothing!

Chandler

You know what? We have to turn off the porn.

Chandler

You're right, it is a ridiculous name!

Joey

It's not that bad.

Chandler

Yes, it is! From now on, I have no first name.

Joey

So you're just "Bing?"

Chandler

I have no name.

Joey

We don't make enough fun of you already? What? What?

Ross

Oh, yeah. Emily convinced me to do it.

Chandler

You do know that Wham! broke up?

Ross

[about Emily] She lives there. I live here. I mean, she'd have to move here. [pause] She should move here!

Joey

What?

Ross

I can ask her to live with me.

Chandler

Are you serious?

Ross

Why not? I mean, why not?

Chandler

Because you've only known her for six weeks! Ok? I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with.

Chandler

Next time you snore, I'm rolling you over!!

Joey

I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do...

Chandler

Wah-pah!

Ross

What's Wah-pah?

Chandler

Whipped.. Wah-pah!

Joey

That's not whipped. Whipped is.. [Whipping sound]

Chandler

That's what i did.. Wah-pah!

Joey

You can't do anything!

Chandler

We have to do something huge .

Joey

We could climb Mount Everest.

Chandler

I told we have to do something huge. Not something stupid...

Ross

Everything so far sounds great, Joey. Just remember, keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out, playing poker. No strippers or anything, okay?

Joey

You got it!

Ross

OK, see you later.

Chandler

Have fun planning your "mellow" bachelor party!

Joey

Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers.

Chandler

He just said, "No strippers."

Joey

Oh. I chose not to hear that.

Phoebe

[on the phone long distance with Joey] I just saw somebody that looked like you in the station. I was going to go up to him to tell him. But what does he care he looks like you.

Joey

Thanks Pheebs, that just cost me four bucks.

Joey

You know, I think that went well.

Chandler

It could've been worse; he could have shot her.

Joey

All right, I'm gonna go say "hi" to the chick and the duck.

Phoebe

Oh, me too!

Joey

Why would you need to say "hi" to them? You've been feeding them for four days!

Phoebe

Oh... right. Maybe I'll just go home.

Rachel

Monica? You're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.

Joey

Oh, my!

Rachel

They're male nurses.

Joey

Not in my head.