Joey Tribbiani quotes from Friends

Joey

I have answering machine..

Chandler

Which I bought for you.. Taught how to use it.. You thought it was a copier...

Monica

You wanted it to be a surprise.

Chandler

Oh my...

Monica

Chandler... in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best -- my best -- There's a reason why girls don't do this!

Chandler

Okay, okay, I'll do it. I thought: wait, I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that is that you -- you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?

Monica

Yes! I knew you were likely to take a wife!

Joey

Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!

Monica

Come in! Come in! We're engaged!

Joey

Yeah, you are!

Chandler

You have had lot of sex right ?

Joey

Today ? Some, not a lot.

Joey

Look at this clown. Just 'cause he got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?

Rachel

That is the Coast Guard.

Joey

What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there.

Chandler

Die Hard, still great!

Joey

Hey, what do you say we make a double feature?

Ross

What else did you rent?

Joey

Die Hard 2!

Chandler

Joe, this is Die Hard 1 again.

Joey

Ohh..well if we watch it a second time then it's Die Hard 2!

Ross

Joey we just saw it.

Joey

And?

Ross

And it would be cool to see it again!

Die Hard!

Chandler

Yeah, I just..i got plans.

Ross

Well, John McClane had plans.

Chandler

Alright, you see the thing is..I wanna get outta here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody "bitch".

Joey

What are you talkin' about...bitch?

Phoebe

You have no idea how amazing she is..

Joey

No idea ? Who do you think brought her here ?

Rachel

Cupid !

Phoebe

Joey, She is so cool, she speaks 4 languages.

Joey

Man, Do you know what guys want ?

Joey

It was awkward. We were both nervous.

Phoebe

Didn't you sleep together ?

Joey

Yeah.. That really calms me down..

Joey

The question, Rachel, is this: does he like you? Otherwise, it's just a moo point.

Rachel

Uh, Joe -- a moo point?

Joey

You know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo.

Rachel

Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?

Joey

[watching a discussion between Monica and a neighbor] Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?

Chandler

Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?

Monica

[still talking to the woman] All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!

[exasperated] Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!

Yeah, that's her.

Ross

Look at all those stars. Infinite space. Really makes you wonder.

Joey

You know what else makes you wonder? Check out the rack on this chick!

Joey

Oh my.. How much do you weigh, Ross ?

Ross

I prefer not to answer that, as I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

Joey

What are you doin'?

Rachel

Moving a chair so I can have a place to sit?

Joey

No, no, Rosita does not move.

Rachel

As in... what?

Joey

As in... Rosita does not move!

Rachel

Why not?

Joey

'Cause she is in the equal distance from the kitchen to the bathroom, and she is at the perfect angle so that no glare is comin' off Stevie.

Rachel

Stevie, the TV?

Joey

Is there a problem?

Joey

[To Rachel] Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.

Ross

Oh really? Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?

Joey

Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Chandler

[to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.

Joey

But it hurts my Joey's apple.

Chandler

[frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.

Joey

So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and --

Monica

What is DOOL?

Joey

Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!

Oh!

Chandler

That's great!

Joey

And -- and -- and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!

Chandler

So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!