Ross Geller quotes from Friends

Monica

Oh, my, Phoebe, you are on fire!

Phoebe

I know!

Chandler

One more score to go. You can do it! [touches Phoebe's shoulder]

Phoebe

Don't touch me.

Monica

[To Chandler] Don't touch her!

Chandler

All right. Go left, go left, go right, go right!

Phoebe

I can't, I can't [she loses] No! You son of a bi-!

Ross

Phoebe?

Phoebe

Oh, hi, Ben. No, don't look at the machine!

Ross

What about "Ruth"?

Rachel

I'm sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?

Rachel

How about: for a girl, Rain?

Ross

Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."

Phoebe

I know her!

Rachel

How about James?

Ross

Oh, I like James.

Rachel

...for a girl.

Ross

Veto!

Phoebe

Is it me...? Or its just that Veto is starting to sound really good...

Joey

The baby's kicking

Ross

Wh... It is?!

Ross

Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.

Rachel

Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Ross

What do you got behind your back?

Monica

Nothing. Just something I wanna get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.

Ross

You don't want my opinion?

Monica

Not really.

Ross

Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.

Monica

[showing him two lingerie dresses] Oh, okay, big brother, um... Which one of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter so your friend would wanna do her?

Ross

[turns away, then says quietly without looking at her] The red one...

Monica

Joey isn't even thinking about going after Rachel. All he is thinking about is how you are taking this. I mean it's completely freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont.

Ross

Why?

Monica

He says he wants to leave the country.

Joey

Who knows what I might say this time?

Chandler

If only there was something in your head to control the things you say!

Joey

Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid!

Ross

Just then, or -- or all the time, 'cause... we have jobs, you know.

Phoebe

Ross, why are you all hot and sweaty?

Ross

I just Bamboozled Chandler!

Ross

Which isn't a sexual thing.

Ross

Look, I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.

That's true. You do have another child.

Ross

Yeah.

With another woman. Have you no control Ross?

Rachel

Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that's great.

Ross

Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!

Ross

This is insane! I'm not gonna make love to you just so you'll go into labor!

Rachel

Make love? What are you, a girl?

Ross

A great way to get into a man's pants.

Rachel

How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

Three.

Ross

Just three? I'm dilated three!

Rachel

How may centimeters am I dilated? 8, 9?

3.

Ross

Just 3? I'm dilated 3!