Ross Geller quotes from Friends

You know ? 9 out of 10 wedding end in divorce.

Ross

That's not true.

Yeah. You're right. where is the missus ?

S7 E21 The One with the Vows

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Ross

How did you write this ?

I stole from Monica and changed the name.

Ross

You can't do that.

If he goes first, he can.

S7 E21 The One with the Vows

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Ross

You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.

Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

S7 E22 The One with Chandler's Dad

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Ross

I need to talk to you about something.

What's up ?

Ross

This may be a little awkward..

Listen, if you wanna borrow money it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.

Ross

No, it's not that. What I'm gonna say to you I'm not saying it as your friend, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.

But you're still my friend ?

Ross

Not for the next few minutes.

During this time, are you still my best man ?

Ross

Nope.

Can I still call you Ross ?

Ross

Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this : If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass. [Chandler bursts out laughing] What ? I'm serious [Chandler laughs again] Hey dude ! Stop it okay ? I'm not kidding here !

I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.

Ross

No problem.

So we're friends again ?

Ross

Yeah.

You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me !

S7 E23 The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 1

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[Best man Ross is walking down the aisle with bridesmaids Phoebe and Rachel.]

Ross

This is nice.

What?

Ross

I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce!

S7 E24 The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 2

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Ross

Monica's pregnant!

Oh, my...! Is that why you guys had to get married?

Monica

Guys! I'm not pregnant.

Ah. [To Chandler] Slow swimmers?

S8 E1 The One after I Do

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[Chandler and Ross looking for camera's, Ross walks over to table]

Ross

Did you find them yet?

[Chandler pops out from under the table]

[sarcastically] Yeah, that's why I'm under here, celebrating.

S8 E1 The One after I Do

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Ross

Well, yeah, I think we should get married.

Why? Because that's your answer to everything?

Ross

Come on, I mean, you don't even like eating alone. How are you gonna raise a baby on your own?

I DO SO eat alone!

Ross

When?

When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!

Ross

I don't know why you don't just admit it.

Oh, please! You inhale your food!

Ross

I grew up with Monica! You didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

S8 E3 The One Where Rachel Tells...

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Ross

I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex wise...

oh, for like , months ?

Ross

Five to be.. Lying.. Six...

Six ? That's rough..

Ross

It's not all bad, I'm learning to appreciate the small things like the sound of a bird and like the colour of the sky .

The sky's blue, Ross, and I had sex last night...

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How did the date go ?

Ross

Great ! I'm across the street, having sex right now !!!

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Did you do it on our invitations?

Ross

Not on the ones we sent out.

Oh, so, just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?

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Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.

Ross

And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.

[on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]

Okay, get ready to see some begging.

Oh, you came on to Ross.

What?

Ross

Now I'm so happy.

What are you talking about?

Monica

You used the Europe story.

That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!

How do you know about that story?!

How do you know about that story?!

I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.

[raising hand] Some guy!

No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.

[again] Ken Adams!

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Ross

Well it turns out that Ben and Sting's son do not get along.

How come?!

Ross

Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are "lesbinims."

S8 E10 The One with Monica's Boots

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Ross

Mona, I love you.

MMona

Awwh! And I love spending time with you!

S8 E11 The One with Ross's Step Forward

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Ross, How did the conversation go ?

Ross

Great. I live on the street.