A character in Friends
Played by Matthew Perry
Friends · 771 quotes
Most-quoted character in Friends: in 336 of its 771 quotes
Most scenes with: Joey Tribbiani (126), Monica Geller (121), Ross Geller (91)
[Talking to Monica over the phone because he and Phoebe mistakenly broke down Monica and Chandler's apartment door ] Hey Monica, Phoebe and I smelt gas coming from your apartment.
Oh, my...! [looks at Chandler] Joey smells gas
ChandlerWhat else is new?
[to joey on the phone] well yo have to get in there
Yeah but you took away our keys, would it be okay if we say, broke your door down.
Yes! Yes! Just get in, break the door down whatever!
Okay, we'll do that. [Gives thumbs up sign to Phoebe]
[Arriving to the honeymoon hotel with Chandler and seeing that the honeymoon couple who got first class seats on the plane now get the honeymoon suite] No! No! No! You cannot do this to us again!
Who are you?
ChandlerWe're you 10 seconds later!
Everyone gives you special treatment because your on your honeymoon!The first class tickets, the honeymoon suite! No one cares that we're on our honeymoon!
Well take the suite if you want. [Hands them the keys] We don't need the stuff.
We just wanna be together, were in love.
ChandlerAwwww... Well we need the stuff!
ChandlerDid you do it on our invitations?
Not on the ones we sent out.
ChandlerOh, so, just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?
Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.
And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.
[on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]
Okay, get ready to see some begging.
Oh, you came on to Ross.
What?
Now I'm so happy.
What are you talking about?
You used the Europe story.
ChandlerThat's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!
How do you know about that story?!
How do you know about that story?!
I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.
[raising hand] Some guy!
No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.
[again] Ken Adams!
ChandlerMonica, can I talk to you for a second? [approaches Monica] I really appreciate you getting me the costume!
You did this to him?
I thought he'd love it! His favourite book was The Velveteen Rabbit.
ChandlerThat rabbit was brown and white!
It was a pink bunny or no bunny at all.
ChandlerNo bunny at all! ALWAYS NO BUNNY AT ALL!
ChandlerI know you don't like to relinquish control.
Relinquish is just a fancy word for lose.
[Everyone is watching Joey finish off the turkey.]
Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew! [wipes his forehead] There come the meat sweats. [Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.]
Well, Joey, we're all... we're all very proud of you.
ChandlerYes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.
Is there anything we can do for you?
No, just nobody press on my stomach.
You can keep those pants, by the way.
[Joey notices that Monica has a pie.]
Whoa--hey--wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Yeah. You want some?
Ah, just cut me a little sliver.
[Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.]
A little bigger.
[Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.]
Little bigger.
[Monica moves the knife again.]
What? Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!
[Phoebe plays Ms. Pacman, her wedding gift to Monica and Chandler.]
Oh, my, Phoebe, you are on fire!
I know!
ChandlerOne more score to go. You can do it! [touches Phoebe's shoulder]
Don't touch me.
[To Chandler] Don't touch her!
ChandlerAll right. Go left, go left, go right, go right!
I can't, I can't [she loses] No! You son of a bi-!
[Ben comes in with Ross. Epic music swells, drowning out Phoebe's 90-second curse-rant]
Phoebe?
Oh, hi, Ben. No, don't look at the machine!
Chandler[laying in the bathtub thinking] All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flowery smell! Which is okay, because I've got my boat. I can actually feel my tension just melting melting away. I could fall asleep in here. I could drown in here. Mmm... drowning.
[entering] So?
ChandlerOh my God.
I told you you were a bath person. Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial.
ChandlerI'm gonna need a bigger boat.
Do you have a bobby pin?
ChandlerYeah. Oh, wait, I'm not a 9-year-old girl.
Then why do you throw like one?
I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
Poor Ross. [Monica and Chandler run over to the window to spy on Ross]
ChandlerGreat. We have to watch him doing yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes.
[Browsing through their CD's] Honey, the Miami Vice Soundtrack, really?
ChandlerThey were just giving those away at the store... in exchange for money.
ChandlerHoney, we are so meant to be. Look, we both have copies of the 'Annie' soundtrack!
Honey? Both yours.
My God, I don't want to forget this moment! It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all. Click!
ChandlerI don't think the flash went off.
[Joey is reluctant to do another Soap Opera Digest interview because the previous one got him fired.]
Who knows what I might say this time?
ChandlerIf only there was something in your head to control the things you say!
Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid!
Just then, or -- or all the time, 'cause... we have jobs, you know.
Ross GellerDavid Schwimmer · 265 quotes
Joey TribbianiMatt LeBlanc · 248 quotes
Rachel GreenJennifer Aniston · 226 quotes
Monica GellerCourteney Cox · 221 quotes
Phoebe BuffayLisa Kudrow · 210 quotes
Judy GellerChristina Pickles · 7 quotes
GuntherJames Michael Tyler · 6 quotes
MikePaul Rudd · 6 quotes
AmyChristina Applegate · 5 quotes
CharlieAisha Tyler · 5 quotes
GDr. Green4 quotes
ParkerAlec Baldwin · 4 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Friends pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.