Chandler Bing quotes from Friends

Chandler

[to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.

Joey

But it hurts my Joey's apple.

Chandler

[frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.

Joey

So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and --

Monica

What is DOOL?

Joey

Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!

Oh!

Chandler

That's great!

Joey

And -- and -- and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!

Chandler

So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!

Monica

Why is your family Scottish ?

Chandler

Why is your family Ross ?

Chandler

How drunk are you?

Monica

Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk enough that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.

Chandler

That's the perfect amount!

Monica

Wow! You are really fast!

Chandler

It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.

Monica

You stick to your job.

Phoebe

What's your Job ?

Chandler

Staying out of the way.

Chandler

Batman is so much cooler than James Bond.

Monica

What? 007 has all those gadgets.

Chandler

Batman has a utility belt.

Monica

007 has a fancy car.

Chandler

Batman has the Batmobile.

Monica

007 gets all the ladies.

Chandler

Batman has Robin.

Monica

Do you realize that we're getting married in just four weeks? Four weeks, baby, FOUR WEEKS!

Chandler

Do you realize that you get louder every week?

Ross

How did you write this ?

Chandler

I stole from Monica and changed the name.

Ross

You can't do that.

Joey

If he goes first, he can.

Monica

Do you realize that in 4 weeks from today, we're gonna be married? 4 weeks, baby, 4 WEEKS!

Chandler

Do you realize that you get louder every week?

[Coming on the stage in drag] Hello, darlings.

Chandler

And there's Daddy.

Chandler

From now on it's gonna be the four of you guys and me and the Mrs. Little Woman. Wife. The old ball and chain.

Monica

Old ?

Chandler

Young hot ball and chain.

Ross

I need to talk to you about something.

Chandler

What's up ?

Ross

This may be a little awkward..

Chandler

Listen, if you wanna borrow money it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.

Ross

No, it's not that. What I'm gonna say to you I'm not saying it as your friend, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.

Chandler

But you're still my friend ?

Ross

Not for the next few minutes.

Chandler

During this time, are you still my best man ?

Ross

Nope.

Chandler

Can I still call you Ross ?

Ross

Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this : If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass. [Chandler bursts out laughing] What ? I'm serious [Chandler laughs again] Hey dude ! Stop it okay ? I'm not kidding here !

Chandler

I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.

Ross

No problem.

Chandler

So we're friends again ?

Ross

Yeah.

Chandler

You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me !

Monica

Chandler, for so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go!

Chandler

Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when i saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you. And any surprises that come our way, it's ok, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure?

Joey

You may now kiss the bride. So I guess by the powers vested in me by the state of New York and the internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. O WAIT! Do you take each other?

Monica

I do.

Chandler

I do.

Ross

Did you find them yet?

Chandler

[sarcastically] Yeah, that's why I'm under here, celebrating.