Mr. Mufflin quotes from Fanboy & Chum Chum

Fully operational, huh? Well, I'll be the judge of that.

Just put it on the trident. [Receives the note] An excuse note, huh? Better be a pretty good one. [reads the note] "Please excuse the boys for being late." [cut to the hesitated boys, he continues offscreen] "They were knitting tea cozies for elderly ninjas." [back on him] Ninjas, huh? I thought I'd heard everything! But that...

...Is the sweetest gesture I've ever heard! Now, those lucky ninjas can enjoy warm tea after a night of blowing poison darts into their enemies' necks. [The boys confused as he says this.] Tardiness excused! [blows nose]

Homework. Homework. Homework. [Finds a pink sheet] This isn't homework, it's some sort of a note.

Ohh. "Saving kittens...from an oil spill"?! [cries] You're excused from last night's homework. [Kyle gives him another note] "And the kittens had puppies -- in an avalanche"?! [bawling] You -- you don't have to do homework for the rest of the week!

I need a moment! [blows nose loudly]

[to the kids] Hey, kids! It's me, Hank Mufflin. And today is… Slime Day! [the kids cheer as confetti rains down, and he chuckles] Now, the rules for Slime Day are easy to follow. Just say the phrase, and you get slimed! [chuckles again] Uh, uh, does anyone know the secret phrase? I… I… Because I didn't… [a live-action African-American hand gives him a green card] Oh, thanks, Meagan. [winks, then looks at the card] The secret phrase for Slime Day is… [reads the card along with the kids] I DON'T KNOW! [gets slimed as he laughs] That's a good one. Now, remember, you can't tell anyone the secret phrase. Everyone has to figure it out for themselves. I love Slime Day! [unzips the white background, revealing the class]

...And lastly, there was a misprint on today’s cafeteria menu. “Meat Larf” should read “Meat Lard”.

[alternating] Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin!

[sighs] Yes, Purple...Kid?

Fanboy

Which juice box goes best with meat larf?

Chum Chum

Red or white grape?

[grunts] If any people hold two of these back for another year, I'm gonna put in for very early retirement there cuz I wanna put in for very early retirement there. [receives note] What's this? Oh great, A new student. Well, where's he?

Kyle

From beyond the veil of dispose, comes with one happy person who's versed in ways of sorcerery, traveler of who the mystical realms of necromancy. Please tremble, and give it up for...Kyle, the Conjurer!!! And, scene.

Kyle

Enough! I've had with you ninnies. It is about the other time for me to show you what a real wizard can do. [his wand gets taken] Huh? What?

No stick waving. You'll get this back at the other end of the other year.

Who're you? [Reads Janitor Poopatine's name tag] Mr. Poopatine?

He said "poop".

Poop!

Janitor Poopatine

It's Janitor Poopatine! But you can call me Russ. Since the dawn of my career, I have vowed to destroy gum in every corner of the galaxy... hills school district. And now, young gum chewers, you will see what happens when you chew gum in my school.

Or... [pulls down a poster of a bouncy house] this state-of-the-art bouncy house!

Bouncy!

Bouncy house yay!

Chum Chum

[leaps out of his seat] A bouncy house! [bounces around cutely] Bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house!

[looks at poster] Oh yes. , bouncy house, you will be mine...

[opens the door, horrified] Failed. [everyone stops and stares at him] YOU ALL FAILED!

[shocked and heartbroken] We failed?

You all got zeros! [at Kyle] uh, Except you, you got a 12.

Kyle

Thank you.

But that's impossible! We all used a robot's brain!

Chum Chum

Actually, it was Fanboy's brain.

[angrily] What?!

Chum Chum

Yeah, we left the robot brain at Oz's.

Kyle

You idiots! You had a robot brain?! Why not just put that into Fanboy?

Fanbot

[realizing his mistake] Huh, Um...I guess because then I wouldn't have the...robot claws?

Chum Chum

[jazz hands] Robot claws.

Fanbot

[meekly] Biddy-biddy?

[angrily] YOU. YOU COST ME MY BOUNCY HOUSE!!!

Chum Chum

Uh, Fanbot, I think we'd better roll.

Fanbot

Beep, boop, I agree! [launches out of the mob, but lands back in it on another side]

Chum Chum

Uh-oh.

Fanbot

It's a good thing I don't have human emotions, or I'd be very scared right now.

Chum Chum

Uh, Fanbot? I think you oiled yourself. [looks at the oil Fanbot leaked]

GET HIM!

[halts Yo and Duke in mid-air as they’re about to attack Fanbot] STOP!

Fanbot

Phew. Thanks, Mr. --

I get FIRST SHOT!

Chum Chum

FANBOT!

Fanbot

[as his head is detached and flies out] Chum Chum, my brain! Save my precious brain!

Lenny

Didn't you see the people waiting outside?

Frosssssssty Frezzzzzy Frezzzzzze.

I just came for a cup of coffee.

Lenny

They've been like that all day!

Chum Chum

We got Cherry Chewy Chimps, Monkey Bites, and Ape Drinks.

Fanboy

Cherry Chewy Chimps, and I'll wash it down with a Vanilla Gorilla.

I sincerely doubt that everyone here has ten items or less. [gets smacked by Boog holding a Chimp Chomp hammer]

100 points. [smacks Kyle] Bop! [smacks Ceech] Bop! 200 points. [smacks Michael and Duke] Bop! [smacks Chuggy and Yo] Bop! [smacks Lupe] 400 points. There ain't no stopping this chimp with his bopping! [laughs]

Chum Chum

Mmm, I love these, their brains squirt real fruit juice when you bite them.

[eats Chum Chum's Cherry Chewy Chimp] your Chimp's been Chomped! [eats Fanboy's Cherry Chewy Chimp] Oh, double Chomp! Bonus points. [laughs]

Fanboy

Oh, look who is here. It's Boog. What brings you out this fine evening?

Yeah, I wanted to audition for the role of Chimp Chomp, but the costume wouldn't fit around my buffed-out biceps.

Whoo! I totally got mad air! Look at that!

You know, I don't need to brag. [pushes Fanboy into the ground] But I've been approached by some sponsors to play Chimp Chomp professionally. [Grabs Chum Chum and turns him into a ball] But I don't know if I want to give up my amateur status. [puts Chum Chum on Fanboy's head] You know, in case Chimp Chomp becomes an olympic sport.

Alright! Whoo! Hole in one!

don't run too far you two. I wanna flatten you into pancakes and then go get some waffles alright. Yo loser, give me...

Lenny

[turns the sign that shows that there are no more tickets] Sorry. Sold out. No more tickets. [chuckles]

What? No more tickets? Where'd they all go?

Boy, these coupons sure cost an arm and a leg. But I'm sure they'll help me save money in the long run.

But. But. But I gotta see the Chimp Chomp Movie! Chimp Chomp is my whole life! I play it everyday. Even on account I grew up in a Plastic Bubble. Can't you give me a ticket please?

Lenny

Oh. Sorry. They bought the last three.

Fanboy

They'll never find us in here because they never deserve to find us in here, Precious. I know every inch of this cave. [stops] Whoa, how did you—-

We came in the fire exit.

Chum Chum

Elevator's out.

Okay, can you tell me the capital of Swi-den... Swid... Sweden?

Fanboy

[gasps] Ooh... And I just ate a gummy fish from there. [Thorvald gets up from his chair, runs over to Fanboy, whispers to him, then runs back to his chair] Thorvaldia!

[imitates buzzer] Ehhh. Incorrect.

[furiously confronts Mr. Mufflin] OF COURSE, IT'S THORVALDIA! I named it myself when I conquered it a thousand years ago last week!

No, I think I know the capital of Swaziland when I'm looking right at it!

THORVALD THE RED IS NOT WRONG! It is your map that is wrong! Why, it's not even the right shape! [squashes the globe flat with his hammer] That is the shape of the world!

Chum Chum

Awww. [holds up his own hammer] I was gonna smash that.

A note, huh? "Please...excuse...Fan...kyle...chum...from Mr. Mufflin's class...forever. Flea Bee Pea ninnie Knee Mercue leh." Well, this seems to be in order. [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle giggle] Fan-Kyle-Chum!

Present! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle loom on, horrified. He walks up to Mr. Mufflin]

Yup. Looks like you're free to go!

Thank you! Now I can play recess forever! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle's jaws drop]