Douglas Fargo quotes from Eureka

Fargo

Dr. Stark, are you smiling?

Stark

Of course not!

Fargo

[Dictating last words to Beverly] E-mail to Allison Blake: "You are the most intoxicating woman I ever met. I used to dream of you catching me asleep on your desk late at night." Send one of those to Jo and substitute "jail cell" for "desk". Oh, and send one to yourself substituting "couch." And see if you can work the word "tempestuous" in there.

Okay.

Fargo

Now, Sheriff Carter. "You really tried to help me on my last day. And, um, for that, I-I don't know how to thank you."

That's actually quite touch-

Fargo

"If only you were better at your job."

Fargo

Sorry, all class 8 research is classified.

Carter

Oh. Y’know what else should be classified? Uh, a certain assistant’s American Idol audition.

Fargo

What? No-no-no, Zoe promised me she was gonna delete that!

Carter

So what’s it gonna be?

Fargo

Fine. Give me an hour.

Carter

[about Fargo's grandfather being in stasis] Hey, um, is anyone curious as to how he got in there?

Stark

He's a Fargo. Are you really surprised?

Fargo

I am standing right here.

Dr. Fargo

Say, did we ever get to the moon?

Fargo

In '62.

Dr. Fargo

Way to go, guys!

Fargo

Top secret of course. We didn't go public until '69.

Fargo

What if he's in there, invisible, with a poisoned blow gun from Borneo waiting?

Carter

Then he'll get you first.

Carter

Start with his computer.

Fargo

What, me?

Carter

Well, he's already gonna kill you for opening the door, why risk anyone else?

Carter

It's Frank, isn't it?

Fargo

Unfortunately.

Carter

And he's dead?

Fargo

Pretty much.

Vincent

[about the customers looting Café Diem] First the utensils turned to gold, then the counters, then the silverware. And that’s when they turned against me. Like vultures. Greedy little genius vultures. I thought intelligent men were above such things.

Carter

[spots Fargo trying to swipe a gold cappuccino machine] Fargo! Really?

Fargo

It’s just so shiny.

Fargo

That's a motion-activated photon defense array. They're screwed.

[over radio] We can hear you!

Fargo

Sorry.

Allison

How much longer Fargo?

Fargo

The bunker's computers are 70 years old... it's like teaching Lincoln how to use an iPhone.

Allison

For the next 48 hours, they will try to push you to your limit. Physically, psychologically and emotionally.

Fargo

Uh, but don't worry. We haven't had a death or psychotic break in, like, forever.

Carter

That's reassuring.

Zane

Careful. My girlfriend might see you. (Moves Jo's hands) Oh, uh, hey, Jo. Awkward.

Jo

I will show you awkward. (kisses him again)

Zoe

You okay, Fargo?

Fargo

Yeah! Just, uh, thinking...

Zoe

About making out with Jo?

Zane

Jo?

Fargo

Uh-oh.

Zane

Fargo!

Fargo

You wanna dance? Let's dance! But just so you know, in high school, I took a semester of shoto-con!

Zane

(sighs) Fargo. I don't want to fight you. I'm worried about Jo.

Fargo

Oh.

Zane

One second, she's acting normal, and then the next, she's kissing you.

Fargo

Yeah, well maybe she's finally come to her senses?

Zane

You just talked to her, didn't she seem different to you?

Fargo

Uh, well, she...kinda just asked me out.

Zane

And that didn't strike you as odd?

Fargo

Tabitha, pull over!

I don't believe your name is on my pink slip anymore.

Larry

Uh, mine, mine is. Tabitha pull over now.

Shut up, Larry.

Larry

What?

Fargo

Where are you taking us... Tabby?... Sweetheart?

Not so pleasant having your destiny in someone else's hands is it?

Fargo

You don't have hands!