Douglas Fargo quotes from Eureka

Fargo

I think this is it.

Larry

Oh, God. Hold me! (hugs Fargo, sobbing)

Fargo

Oh no... This is the worst death ever.

Jo

Hello, boys.

Larry

He hugged me!

Fargo

You wish!

Larry

Listen, about that hug--

Fargo

What happened in the trunk, stays in the trunk.

Fargo

Henry is staying with Kim. I'll be doing the autopsy.

Carter

You?

Fargo

Yeah. Henry says I've assisted him enough to fly solo.

Jo

I wouldn't fly in a plane with you.

Fargo

Tess, can I get another story thing? I think mine overloaded.

Carter

Oh, ya think? You've been the center of every disaster this town's ever had.

Fargo

Not all of them.

Jo

Uh, death ray, homicidal smart house... ooh, uh, force field bubble.

Carter

Yeah, keep a tally, we can start a pool.

Fargo

That's not funny.

[to Carter] Nemesis is a neutron star that's been theorized to be in binary orbit with our sun.

Fargo

It crosses earth's orbit every 65 million years, causing an extinction-level event.

Jo

Like a killer asteroid?

Fargo

That's not even the half of it. The tidal stresses from the star's gravitational pull could cause a sudden reversal of Earth's magnetic poles and unleash earthquakes, tsunamis, total global chaos!

The world could literally be turned upside-down.

Carter

All right, um, I'll check with Henry. How much time do we have?

If we're lucky? Maybe 2,000 years.

Carter

[disbelieving] Two...thou–hmm. See, that's not so much a problem. So next time, don't bury the lead.

Fargo

[wanting to impress Claudia] One day of getting to look like I know what I am doing, was that too much to ask for?

Carter

Evidently.

You can trust me, I was a Campfire Girl.

Fargo

Please tell me you kept the uniform... [Claudia looks at him] ...for posterity.

Carter

[to Fargo, who's head is lying on top of a mine] I need to put this on the mine where your head is.

Fargo

But my head is where my head is.

Carter

This will help keep it that way.

Fargo

Hello, cop types? Bad guys ain't gonna find themselves!

Carter

Is he getting bossier?

Jo

I kind of like it.

Zane

What happened to Mr. Optimistic?

Fargo

He woke up and smelled the oxygen leak!

Zane

You can't smell oxygen.

Fargo

You know what I mean!

You did just launch a rocket that nearly took out the international space station.

Fargo

That was an accident. I wanted to leave a note on the windshield.

Larry

[Reading Fargo his schedule] 9 am with Dr. Parish.

Fargo

Parish? Reschedule.

Larry

What would you like, uh, the reason to be?

Fargo

Uh, how about I hate his stupid face and I can't stand his whining.

Larry

Right I'll just hit send [sends e-mail]

Fargo

Wait oh no-no-no I was joking!

Larry

Oh yes, of course you were. I totally got that... but I just have to..

Zane

The P.A.L.s scan and analyze potential security and safety risks. Then they play the outcomes in live action, giving you a variable time frame for them to become reality.

Fargo

Yeah, it's like having your own Professor Xavier.

Carter

Who's Professor Xavier?

Zane

Okay, I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that.

I have developed a sleep chamber which balances levels of melatonin, and as—

Fargo

Thank you, next.

What? Why?

Fargo

Oh, I don't know, Dr. Gregor. Maybe because your chamber has the strong possibility of putting its user in a level one GCS coma. We're going to Titan, not Neverland.

You're running this thing son? What are you 12?

Fargo

Dr. Lee, is it?

I prefer Generalissimo.

Fargo

Listen, if you want to compare notes, I'd still like to take you to dinner.

Holly

I don't think so.

Fargo

Right. Understandable.

Holly

I meant, that I don't want to work, but something more off-the-clock might be nice.

Fargo

Well, okay... but in the spirit of new beginnings and full disclosure, I have to confess. I saw a prediction... of you kissing me. No pressure.

Holly

Me kissing you?

Fargo

Go figure.

Holly

Douglas, the lenses show potential security risks. Now it's awkward. I should go. I'm sorry, Douglas.

Fargo

Douglas Fargo, too dangerous to love.