Jack Carter quotes from Eureka

Jo

Somebody looks tense, what's the matter?

Carter

Well, Captain Yuri has me going through Eureka's entire library of disaster plans. I mean, tsunami, uh, missile attack, um... genetically modified, super-intelligent ferret infestation.

Jo

Cool.

Carter

Yeah. And, um, apparently, we have, uh, an emergency pneumatic vacuum tube communication system.

Jo

(nods) Mmm.

Carter

No we don't! I mean, wh-wh-wh- what? It's behind some picture in some wall? (she stands up and walks across the room) And, I mean, look at these plans... (She swings back the picture of George W. Bush on its hinge revealing the pneumatic device.) Oh...

Taggart

Just like old times, eh, mate?

Carter

I hate old times!

[to Carter] Nemesis is a neutron star that's been theorized to be in binary orbit with our sun.

Fargo

It crosses earth's orbit every 65 million years, causing an extinction-level event.

Jo

Like a killer asteroid?

Fargo

That's not even the half of it. The tidal stresses from the star's gravitational pull could cause a sudden reversal of Earth's magnetic poles and unleash earthquakes, tsunamis, total global chaos!

The world could literally be turned upside-down.

Carter

All right, um, I'll check with Henry. How much time do we have?

If we're lucky? Maybe 2,000 years.

Carter

[disbelieving] Two...thou–hmm. See, that's not so much a problem. So next time, don't bury the lead.

Carter

So the laws of physics are in peril, my daughter's moving out and the worlds coming to an end?

Jo

I say, have the muffin.

Larry

My Fembot prototype was working perfectly before-

Carter

Do I really wanna know this?

Larry

She was working perfectly before I went to get my coffee. When I came back after the collider incident, she was... completely non-responsive

Carter

Maybe she's just not that into you.

Henry

That surge in electromagnetism fed back into the strength of the amplifier, creating a loop of building energy, and voila, a new North Pole.

Lucas

I swear I had no idea.

Carter

[bending down very close to him] Well, you are gonna have to tell Santa that he needs to move his workshop.

Allison

[watching Jo fight multiple soldiers] Okay this is really bad!

Carter

Yeah, for them! She's small, but scrappy.

Carter

You're here.

Henry

Yeah.

Carter

Working.

Henry

Hiding in plain sight. I mean, Eureka was always progressive, but nobody looks twice at a black mechanic. But still - oh, man, amazing, isn't it? [laughs, looks around past Eureka in awe]

Carter

You do realize that you, me, Allison and Jo are all stuck here?

Henry

And Fargo. They caught him streaking through the camp.

Carter

Of course they did.

Henry

Don't break that.

Carter

Yeah, that would suck.

Dr. Grant

Suck what?

Carter

Do you know if I've asked Tess any big life changing questions recently?

Vincent

Oh. My God. You proposed!

Carter

I did?

Vincent

I don't know did you?

Carter

I don't know did I!?

Jo

You okay there, Tex?

Carter

Oh yeah, I mean, don't believe them when they say lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place.

Allison

These are the physical and mental symptoms of rage.

Carter

So we're dealing with a bunch of mad scientists?

This is Eureka! I was kind of hoping to see something insanely weird.

Carter

Consider yourself lucky.

Fargo

[wanting to impress Claudia] One day of getting to look like I know what I am doing, was that too much to ask for?

Carter

Evidently.

Carter

[to Fargo, who's head is lying on top of a mine] I need to put this on the mine where your head is.

Fargo

But my head is where my head is.

Carter

This will help keep it that way.