Jack Carter quotes from Eureka

Tess

If we can feel each other, how can we be dead? And, and why aren't there any other dead people around here besides us? Huh?

Carter

How do you know there aren't?

Tess

Hey! Calling all dead people! Club meeting in the rotunda! See?

Tess

You're smarter than you dress.

Carter

Yeah... What?

Carter

Red Sox fan?

Tess

How do you think I learned statistics?

Carter

That's the only math I ever passed.

Tess

Well, the only math regular people need.

I believe she just insulted you sheriff.

Carter

Ah, that's okay.

Tess

We were hoping you could help persuade them using your amiable Andy Griffith charm.

Carter

You know what? You have the unique ability to make a compliment sound insulting.

Tess

Who said that was a compliment?

Carter

[about the blob] Judging by it's size, it'll eat just about anything.

Allison

Did you just look at me when you said that?

Carter

No! No, no- I would- the ice cream. I was looking at the ice cream.

Carter

[about the blob] I should be able to handle a mindless eating machine.

Allison

[glaring] You looked at me again.

Carter

Oh, no. The- No, no, I was the... you're pretty.

Tess

Ooh, nice save.

Zoe

See? We're here, and I didn't even have to do anything.

Yeah, another victory for total laziness.

Zoe

Isn't it awesome? I can sleep all the way to school.

Yeah, that's what the world needs, is more people asleep at the wheel.

Jo

(about her new car) Totally high-performance, but completely under my control.

Carter

Kinda like Zane.

Carter

What's Ranger Tom calling six times about? Someone steal a tree?

Jo

I wrote it down.

Carter

(holds up note) "Something weird."

Tess

(eating pizza) Stakeouts are fun.

Carter

They're, they're more fun with, um, pepperoni, than with, uh, organic tofu medley.

Tess

You mean, thank you for the pizza?

Carter

That is a thank you for the pizza.

Tess

Mm, you want anything else? Um, I've got a protein bar, juice box... (gasps) Funyons!

Carter

(laughing) You always eat this much?

Tess

You always this smooth with the ladies?

Carter

... Yeah.

Jo

If Lieber says that that booster converter isn't his, I say we let Fargo and him settle it in a cage match.

Carter

I put five bucks on Fargo.

Jo

Nice.

Carter

He's scrappy.

Tess

Oldest story in the world. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy meets computer.

Carter

Well, everybody needs a hand to hold.

Tess

This is a really weird town. But I like it. Kinda.

Fargo

Henry is staying with Kim. I'll be doing the autopsy.

Carter

You?

Fargo

Yeah. Henry says I've assisted him enough to fly solo.

Jo

I wouldn't fly in a plane with you.

Allison

Is there something wrong?

Carter

No I'm... yeah. Yeah, I'm... my back hurts, my ankles are swollen, it feels like my organs are up in my lungs. I don't know if I can do it.

Allison

Well, you just do it. Come on, Henry wants us in there.

Carter

Let's go for ice cream after.

Allison

Two scoops.

Fargo

Tess, can I get another story thing? I think mine overloaded.

Carter

Oh, ya think? You've been the center of every disaster this town's ever had.

Fargo

Not all of them.

Jo

Uh, death ray, homicidal smart house... ooh, uh, force field bubble.

Carter

Yeah, keep a tally, we can start a pool.

Fargo

That's not funny.