Phil Stubbs quotes from Ed

Phil

[(to Ed, explaining why he goes by "Jean Tremont" to the salt-and-pepper shaker sales reps] The French thing gives me a business edge. It keeps 'em confused.

Phil

[On the phone with salt/pepper shaker sales rep] I've got sales reps from seven companies following me around like I'm a virgin at a rodeo.

Phil

[to Ceela, as she and Ed are discussing her case] Excuse me for interrupting, but I just have to say: you are soooo hot!

Phil

Shirley, those who raise the bar of expectation, bar the expectation of raise.

Phil

[passing out fliers in the park] Hey, you like sex? Come to the Festival of Ducks!

Phil

[to Kevin, about his score of 6 when challenged to show his bowling prowess] I got 60% - if a presidential candidate got 60%, it would be a landslide. I got a mandate, Shazzam!

Phil

[to Ed, about laugh tracks] Can't do comedy without one. People need to be told when to laugh.

Phil

[to Chuck, teaching him to be a ladies' man] You're a prancer. You've got a bounce in your step that says 'Hey, look at me, I'm a cute little bunny!'

Phil

[to Carol] Whoa! You look great. Did you sneak off somewhere and get some work done?

Phil

[handing Big Rudy over to Ed] Ed, this is the man responsible for sabotage against one Stuckeybowl Bowling Center. You sir have been served up like a trout on a silver platter.

Phil

[to Harry, about Ed] Don't even talk to this one in the morning till he's had his second cup of joe.

Phil

A cocktail in one hand, a show girl in the other. The casino staff catering to my every whim. To this day, the name Phil Stubbs is still known in many of the finer gaming establishments.

Phil

[to Ed, regarding his move to NYC] Hey Bosco, once I get situated in Gotham, would you mind if I give your ex-wife a call?

Phil

I remember a time when television used to entertain us with the craftsmanship of writing, acting, directing. Now they just try to shock us with the drek of sensationalistic sewage.

Phil

[when Joe asks what he does] Don't try to pigeonhole me.