Shirley Pifko quotes from Ed

Shirley

I'm going to spend the entire $15 on curly fries...

Shirley

[Calling off the facial expressions for Chuck to try out on Phil] Sexy... cool... brainiac... impish... mellow... cute... supercute... Swedish...

Shirley

[showing Ed the surveillance tape] That's Kenny. He stood motionless for five hours... Kenny's so talented.

Shirley

Bendy straws make drinking more pleasurable. I'm phasing out the straights.

Shirley

Ed, one of the goals I have set for myself as your legal assistant is to make sure that when you are drinking coffee, and you finish the coffee, your cup is refilled with more coffee.

Shirley

Which do you think you could make more money off of: a talking dog or a flying dog?

Shirley

If this is the first annual party, how can you be taking it to the next level?

Shirley

I could eat stew seven nights a week. I don't, but I could.

Shirley

I'm still fine tuning the egg to nog ratio.

Shirley

Good luck finding the beautiful psychotic lady. Toodle-oo.

Shirley

[planning how to get Ed and Carol together] We could slip them a mickey. I don't know what exactly a mickey is, but I do know you slip them to people.

Shirley

[complimenting Mark on his Santa] You inhabit the role with a breezy confidence.

Shirley

[About drilling holes into bowling balls] Two are serviceable. One is an insult to the art form.

Shirley

[About Eli's refusal to eat duck eggs because they come out of a duck's ass] Eggs don't come from the ass, per se.

Shirley

Ed, I think you ought to know that Frankie is in your office, bawling her eyes out in a most unprofessional manner. Shall I fire her for you?