Master Roshi quotes from Dragon Ball Z

[Krillin is afraid after hearing Goku's screams in the hospital room] Why are you shaking like that Krillin?

Krillin

Uh...because I'm cold.

[about Goku] You know what he is, don't you?

What's that?

Crazy. That's what! He's not even out of bed five minutes and he's already rushin' off to another battle!

There are only three things that could cause this transmission to fail. One...the darn thing's broke...uh...two...the whole ship's been destroyed somehow...and then there's three...interference from a series of electromagnetic waves, which means the planet's axis...it's being stretched or compressed.

Goodness! What does it mean when the axis distorts?

Um...uh...well it means...uh...hmm...well a sudden change like that could mean only one thing. I'm afraid that the planet's core has become unstable. It's um...gonna blow!

What!?

Silence. It can't be done. The one called Goku refuses to return and says he'll come back later.

What? But why?

I know why! Because he's scared, that's why! Of the one more powerful than a Super Saiyan...his wife!

What? [holding a sword ready to strike Master Roshi]

Yikes. No, please no. It was a joke.

[about Master Roshi allowing the marriage to go through] Out of the question. You know you have to clear that with me first.

Krillin

Aw, come on.

We'll see. It's possible. As long as I get to kiss the bride first.

[while both he and Ox-King are staring at Maron laying in the sun in her bikini] Gosh. Whoah-ho! It's a beautiful morning, isn't it, Ox-King?

Sure is, yes! The beach, the waves. Whoah.

Fruitcakes! You should be ashamed o' yourselves!

Where's Maron?

Krillin

Well, things were gettin' complicated so I broke up with her.

Oh, poor guy.

Ah, it's a darn shame.

Oolong

Well, I don't believe it. I'll bet she dumped him.

You know, I bet I could teach Krillin a thing or two about getting along with the ladies.

Getting them mad you mean...

Where's Krillin?

Oh, uh...he left a while ago. They're off trying to save the world from...annihilation again. You know how it is.

[to Maron] We're usually right there with those guys. Darn shame. We feel left out.

But I want my Krillin now!

Okay, okay! He'll be back soon, I promise! It won't be long now! But allow me to keep you company in the meantime.

Will you tell me the story about the red ribbons again?

Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind...

That was delicious Chiaotzu! You really know how to make a fine bowl of soup!

Heh heh heh heh. Thanks Master Roshi!

Oolong

Mmmm...this might be the best soup I ever had. Please tell me there's some more where this came from, I could go for a couple o' helpings of seconds and maybe even some thirds too.

Uh...where did you learn to cook like that?

I used to cook for Tien when he was training and I came up with a few of my own recipes.

Here's a thought. Why don't you stay here and train with us Chiaotzu.

Huh? Stay with you?

Sure. You could stay here and train with all of us.

Oolong

Train? Heh! Come on, admit it! The only reason you want him to stay is so he'll cook for ya!

That's ridiculous! I...I just thought it would be nice if he-

Oolong

Nice if he cooked for you!

That's not true!

Krillin

[after Krillin talks to Bulma on the phone] It's Bulma. She wants us to watch somethin' on TV.

Why? She gonna be on a show?

Oolong

Yeah, and now she wants us all to watch so she can brag about how famous she is...

Yamcha

Ha ha ha ha. Probably.

Hey, telephone guys! Collect call. It's Bulma.

Yamcha

Don't accept.

Oh come on guys. It's urgent. She's figured out a way to disable the androids.

What!? Accept the charges!

Krillin

[same time] Accept the charges!

Tien

[same time] Accept the charges!

Yamcha

[same time] Accept the charges!

I heard all that! Well I guess I'll still let you guys use the remote I invented that disables the androids circuits but only if mister loudmouth "don't accept the charges" Yamcha agrees to give yours truly a foot massage.

Krillin

Gosh, I don't know Bulma.

Well, that's the deal so you can take it, or leave it.

Yamcha

She knows that I can't stand rubbing her feet!

Can anyone he wants enter the competition?

Trunks

He'll take on anyone who challenges him. And he expects to have a battle with each of us...one by one.

Of course. You know what he's trying to do. I do. His plan is to eliminate the competition once and for all.

Yamcha

Well, I kind o' like the idea of another martial arts tournament. I mean, hey. I think I'll dominate.

Yeah! Let's get 'im!

Yamcha

Yeah!

Oolong

Just make sure you don't get another hand through your stomach.