Parker Scavo quotes from Desperate Housewives

Guess we're done talking about my science project, huh?

Yeah, mom he said it's about the restaurant.

Wow!

[looking shocked] Guys, I just sat a twelve-top, who's taking it?

[Comes in with a brush and cleaning gloves] Hey, um, I'm not bragging, and I don't recommend it, but you could so eat out of your downstairs toilet.

Oh, you can call me whatever you want!

Karen McCluskey

How old are you?

Karen McCluskey

And how old are you?

5.

Karen McCluskey

Wow, your mother just pops them out, doesn't she?

How old are you?

Karen McCluskey

How old do you think?

150.

Tom

Okay, listen. Don't worry about it. I'm sure Mrs. Mulberry's around here somewhere.

Lynette

Or, uh, maybe she's not. She could've left. You know... Maybe she had some other little boy that she needed to help.

Like who?

Lynette

I don't know, it could be a little boy in, uh... England... named Spencer?

Tom

Lynette?

Lynette

I mean, this is conjecture on my part. But it is possible that someone like little Spencer needs Mrs. Mulberry more, because he doesn't have a daddy and a mommy who love him. Yeah, that's it. He's a orphan. with no hands! Okay? (Tom's face becoming dark)

Lynette

Sweetie, could you put the crayons down for a second, we need to talk. I talked to your teacher today and she told me about the cookie deal you made with Cindy Lou.

Oh, are you mad?

Lynette

[laughs uncomfortably] No, not exactly, I'm trying to understand why you did that.

[Innocently] Tommy Keenan told me babies come from down there, that doesn't sound right to me.

Lynette

Well, actually he's kinda right, he's got the concept down.

[Innocently confused] That's weird! How does a baby get in there?

Lynette

Daddy will be home from his business trip in a few days, why don't you wait for him?

OK. Or I can ask Tommy's brother. He's fourteen and he knows everything!

Lynette

... And then the mommy and the daddy because they love each other so much, they hug real tight, and a seed is magically implanted and nine months later a baby is born.

What kind of seed?

Lynette

Oh, that's not important.

I don't believe you!

Lynette

Parker, I'm your mother. Mothers don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas.

Lynette Scavo

Parker, hey, where's your uniform? You've got your game in an hour.

No I don't, I quit.

Lynette Scavo

What?

I hate baseball! Daddy said I don't have to play it anymore.

Lynette Scavo

Well Daddy should've checked with Mommy so she could have a chance to tell him why he's wrong. Hey, you're playing!

But Mom, I suck! Everybody says so! That's why they made up a fake position for me!

Lynette Scavo

It's not fake. There's not a team I know that can get along without their back-up far right fielder! OK, come on, let's go practice.

[disgruntled] Ohh!

How long will Daddy be gone?

Lynette Scavo

Well, that sorta depends on Daddy.

Are you two mad at each other?

Lynette Scavo

Yeah, a little, but that's okay. We still love each other very much, but like kids, sometimes grown-ups throw tantrums and need a time-out.

Why can't he take a time-out in his room?

Lynette Scavo

Cause he decided to take it in his pizza place.

No fair, that sounds fun!

Lynette Scavo

Not this pizza place, it's a rat hole. But once your dad comes to his senses and stops being petulant, he'll come home.

What's petulant?

Lynette Scavo

It means childish, stubborn, careless with my money and your futures.

Huh?

Lynette Scavo

It's a grown-up word, and when daddy comes home, he'll learn a new one: grovel!

Lynette Scavo

Kayla, where are you going?

To watch TV.

Lynette Scavo

Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner.

But my show is on.

Lynette Scavo

Well, I'm sorry, those are the rules.

My mommy let me.

Lynette Scavo

Just this once.

Lynette Scavo

Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now, come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick.

But she's not sick.

Lynette Scavo

That's true, but she's sad.

I'm sad, I can't watch TV!

Lynette Scavo

Eat your tacos.

Lynette Scavo

[Kids give each other looks of agreement and get up to go over to the TV] Wow, wow, wow, sit your butts down.

It's not fair.

Lynette Scavo

I don't care, we have rules.

Well she gets to!

Lynette Scavo

She's special, now sit down! Come on.

Does she get dessert too?

Lynette Scavo

[Tom pulls up in the van bringing Kayla to live with them] Ok, they're here, now listen,

Lynette Scavo

[to Parker] stand up. Kayla has been through a lot so when she walks through the door I want you to make her feel welcome, ok, give her a hug and be really nice.

I'm giving her my room, how much nicer do I have to be?

Lynette Scavo

Well nicer than that or she's gonna get all your toys too!

[Lynette is looking at herself in an outfit, when she notices Parker in the mirror playing with his foam football] What'cha doin'?

Lynette Scavo

Oh, deciding what to wear my first day back to work. Do I look fat in this?

I think you look good in everything!

Lynette Scavo

Wow, you father's taught you well.

What about the street fair? If you're going back to work, who's going to take me?

Lynette Scavo

Mrs. McClusky, won't that be fun?

No. Do you have to go back to work?

Lynette Scavo

Come on, you and your brothers will be thrilled. Me going back to work is not that big a deal, we're only loosing a little time together in the afternoon.

Every hour counts. I miss you all day long.

Lynette Scavo

[She hugs him, kisses and rubs him on the head] Aww, honey, geez. Do you really mean that, or are you manipulating mommy into feeling incredibly guilty?

A little of both.

Lynette Scavo

Yep, your father's taught you well.

Lynette Scavo

[Lynette finds Parker staring into their freezer] Hi buddy, what'cha doing?

Nothing.

Lynette Scavo

You seem a little mopey lately, is everything okay?

Yeah. Can we go see Mrs. McClusky?