Porter Scavo quotes from Desperate Housewives

He's not my friend.

Yeah, a million years ago, anything else?

Ooh, Dad called a family meeting.

Why? We don't even like living together.

And you know who that big guy is? Kevin McDurmot, the guy called me 'Jesus' for a year cause I wore sandals for one day! If he sees me

No. I'm not gonna wait on a kid who's gonna make fun of me on Monday morning. It's humiliating enough having to work here.

Congratulations on ruining my life. If you see me on campus you're not allowed to talk to me.

We finished upstairs, Ana!

I'm Porter.

When did Susan get here?

Lynette

Do you know what psychological warfare is?

No.

Lynette

Too bad for you.

Karen McCluskey

How old are you?

Karen McCluskey

And how old are you?

5.

Karen McCluskey

Wow, your mother just pops them out, doesn't she?

How old are you?

Karen McCluskey

How old do you think?

150.

Bree

Porter, what did I tell you?

But I'm hungry.

Bree

Well, then, I will fix you a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese.

Ew, barf.

Bree

Don't be common, young man.

How long will Daddy be gone?

Lynette Scavo

Well, that sorta depends on Daddy.

Are you two mad at each other?

Lynette Scavo

Yeah, a little, but that's okay. We still love each other very much, but like kids, sometimes grown-ups throw tantrums and need a time-out.

Why can't he take a time-out in his room?

Lynette Scavo

Cause he decided to take it in his pizza place.

No fair, that sounds fun!

Lynette Scavo

Not this pizza place, it's a rat hole. But once your dad comes to his senses and stops being petulant, he'll come home.

What's petulant?

Lynette Scavo

It means childish, stubborn, careless with my money and your futures.

Huh?

Lynette Scavo

It's a grown-up word, and when daddy comes home, he'll learn a new one: grovel!

Lynette Scavo

Kayla, where are you going?

To watch TV.

Lynette Scavo

Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner.

But my show is on.

Lynette Scavo

Well, I'm sorry, those are the rules.

My mommy let me.

Lynette Scavo

Just this once.

Lynette Scavo

Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now, come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick.

But she's not sick.

Lynette Scavo

That's true, but she's sad.

I'm sad, I can't watch TV!

Lynette Scavo

Eat your tacos.

Lynette Scavo

[Kids give each other looks of agreement and get up to go over to the TV] Wow, wow, wow, sit your butts down.

It's not fair.

Lynette Scavo

I don't care, we have rules.

Well she gets to!

Lynette Scavo

She's special, now sit down! Come on.

Does she get dessert too?