Parker Scavo quotes from Desperate Housewives

[Parker sees kids painting 'witch' on Mrs. McCluskey's door] What's going on? [sees it] Hey don't do that!

Why not?

Because she's not a witch!

How do you know?

Cause she isn't! Don't be a jerk!

Shut up!

Karen McCluskey

Hey you boys, knock it off!

Karen McCluskey

[puts her arm on Parker's shoulder] Parker I'm sorry. Are you all right?

[He pulls his shoulder away] Ya know, everything would be okay if you told people what you told me. You can make them stop.

Karen McCluskey

[Parker rings Mrs. McCluskey's doorbell] Would ya stop ringing that damn... I'm sorry Parker, I thought you where one of those little pissheads that keeps ringing the doorbell and running away. What's on your mind?

I want you to come back and babysit us, the new sitter stinks!

Karen McCluskey

Your folks hired a new sitter?

Yeah, and she thinks carrots are snacks!

Karen McCluskey

Well that's rough. But life's like that sometimes.

It doesn't have to be. If you just told people what happened with your husband, everything could go back to the way it was.

Karen McCluskey

Parker, see those women over there. Nothing I could say could stop those tongues from wagging. I'm sorry kid but I just have to wait this one out

[Lynette's mother shows up] Geez Lynette, I didn't know you opened a daycare center! Hey kids grandma's here.

[they all look at her strange] Okay, what'd you tell them about me?

Lynette Scavo

It's been five years mom, they don't remember you.

Well they'll remember me this time, I've brought presents. For you.

And for you and you.

These are baby toys. We're too old to play with these.

Well I'm too old to remember what the hell six year olds like to play with.

We're eight.

What do I care?

Lynette Scavo

Just say thank you.

[pointing to Kayla, talking to Parker] Who's the pretty thing? Your girlfriend?

[looks disgusted] No! She's my sister!

[to Lynette] Oh, is that Tom's little B-a-s-t-a...

Tom Scavo

OK, kids, time to get your toys and let's play upstairs.

MOM! We're gonna bake you a cake when the doctor says your cancer's gone.

Lynette Scavo

Great! Grab this. (hands him a sack of rodent poison)

What's this stuff for?

Lynette Scavo

You know that possum that's been ruining our garden?

(Happily Yeah, me and Preston named him Scruffles!

Lynette Scavo

Don't give him a name, he's not gonna be around much longer.

(concerned) You're not gonna hurt him are you?

Lynette Scavo

Honey, I put up a fence and he burrowed right under it. The man at the garden centre said these are crafty creatures and there's only one way to stop 'em.

So you're gonna kill him?

Lynette Scavo

Sweetie, let me ask you something. If you had to choose between mommy's beautiful garden and a gross, mean, dirty possum, what would you pick?

Scruffles!

Lynette Scavo

Ok, we're done talkin' here. (she grabs the bags from him, leaving him looking a little upset)

Happy Mother's Day!

Lynette Scavo

Oh my gosh, that is so sweet, thank you.

We're gonna go get your present.

I hope you like turtles!

Since when do you make waffles?

Lynette

Well Kayla loves waffles, and since she and I have been having some problems lately, I'm doing something nice for her.

Mom, please do something.

Tom

You said that you were behind me 100 percent.

I can help you study if you want.

Tom Scavo

I'm not sure how much help you're gonna be. I'm majoring in Chinese.

Lynette Scavo

I'm so proud. Porter, aren't you gonna congratulate your father?