Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Winston Churchill.
Ian Fleming.
I should know that I'm a huge James Bond fan.
What aren't you a fan of?
S8 E15The Theory of Everything
In an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, October 31, 1996, if I recall correctly, one Professor Gilbert Grissom revealed that as a boy he collected dead animals he found in his Marina Del Ray neighborhood and performed necropsies on them.
Hodges, I want you to stop stalking me.
Anytime you need a sniffer to detect it, my nose has the cyanide gene.
What type of gene turned your nose brown? (referring to the squirrel he just necropsied) Go ahead. You can sew him up. (gets up and leaves)
Will do. And I'll notify next of kin, too. (chuckles, then grimaces at the open body cavity of the squirrel)
Your killer's a ground squirrel?
In a way I argue self defense.
Is it bad when you start thinking none of this sounds too weird anymore?
Oh, it's a bit too freaky how these cases are connected.
Grissom, you always say that there is no such thing as coincidence...
There isn't.
Oh, come on. You got the guy who bursts into flames, just divorced from the woman who was fighting squirrel wars with the Martins...
... Who had hired the exterminator who's drugs were turning everybody's blood green.
And one of his green blooded customers was Evelyn, our lady of tinfoil, who was the last person that Kyle Plank touched before he died.
There's one more connection. Evelyn had 200 bucks, and I'm thinking that when she was run over, she was on her way to buy more Thyocite. I think that Wayne Connor was with Dave Boer waiting for the money to arrive.
Only Evelyn never showed up, Connor lost his temper and Boer killed him in a fight.
And it all started with Kyle Plank, lonely guy with a gut full of moonshine.
String theory.
Grissom theory. This is better than a bedtime story.
String theory is "the theory of everything." Quantum mechanics tells us about the very small. The theory of relativity explains the immense. String theory ties it all together. It proposes that atomic particles are made up of infinitesimal vibrating loops of energy or strings. Each string vibrates at its own frequency, like on a violin, producing notes and these notes make up everything in the universe.
Cosmic symphony.
These strings have been combining and recombining ever since the Big Bang. So, the connections between our victims or any of us are not that extraordinary.
But every one of them thought they were alone.
Too bad they didn't know about Grissom's theory.
In a parallel universe, maybe they're all having breakfast together.
In this universe, maybe we are.
Yeah.
(to Grissom) And you're buying.
No strings attached.
S8 E16Two and a Half Deaths
Sorry for the delay, it's a paparazzi jungle downstairs.
Yeah, well Doc Robbins isn't the only one with a scrapbook.
(about Annabelle) Y'know, it's a tragic coincidence that she died two days after you qualified for half of what she's worth.
BBud
Really? I thought that was the bright side.
Then the rubber chicken was inserted port-mortem.
And thus not the cause of death.
Might have been a gag. Sorry.
(Hodges has been doing tests on the absorption of tampons)
That time of the month, huh? I know, picking out the right feminine product can be so hard.
You're gonna mock me or help me?
I have to choose?
I can't get this to work!
Well that's probably 'cause you don't have the right equipment. ... You don't, do you?
Haha, you're lucky you're cute. Annabelle Fundt was dosing her tampons with vodka.
Does that even work?
Kinda, even at their most absorbent, tampons only hold about 19 grams of fluid or about 20 milliliters.
Well, that's enough for aunt flow but that is not going to get an alcoholic drunk.
Who's Aunt flow? (Wendy gives him a look) Oh! All right, maybe she was just doing it to take the edge off but what I can't figure out is how she managed it because every time I throw one in here, it turns into Spongebob Squarepants.
You don't take it out of the applicator first. Gimme! (Hodges gives her a tampon) Watch and learn. (she makes it clear how it works) There, that's why they call it an applicator.
I always wondered how that worked.
All men do.
[about a bloodstain] Hey, what does this look like to you?
Hermaphrodite on rollerskates.
A puppy.
Bud didn't marry Annabelle. He married Natasha pretending to be Annabelle.
Well, one thing's for sure. Neither one of them is pretending to be dead.
BBud
Whoa, hey! Easy on the Emmy there buddy.
Is that what this is?
Looks like a comedy writer came out of the closet.
I doubt if it's the first time.
So, that's it. Robot-man, closet-stalker-guy gets his package grabbed and a TV star dies.
It is the classic story.
Forget it Gil. It's Burbank.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.