Tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me.
You going to turn into a vampire now?
Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.
S9 E22The Gone-Dead Train
So Elvis, how'd you get these injuries?
EElvis
I'm a landscaper. Got a lot of cactus orders because of the drought.
Or maybe they're from when you raped your ex, Kayla Newtons.
EElvis
I didn't rape Kay. We had sex.
Open up [swabs him.]
You had the kind of sex where she said no.
Hold on there, Spuds. How much do you weigh?
Uh, excuse you. That's not public information.
SDr. Shaw
I don't know. It's a set-up, I'm being framed.
Who framed you, Roger Rabbit?
S9 E23Hog Heaven
When you're done with fingerprinting, the officer will take you into another room where he'll collect the rest of your clothing.
JJackass
I ain't stripping.
I promise you, jail scrubs are much cleaner and more flattering than the blood and grease soaked homicide evidence that you're currently wearing.
[Hodges gets headbutted by Tonya after he demands she apologizes to Wendy.]
That was stupid.
Oh, chivalry is not dead.
No, but its nose is bleeding.
S9 E24All In
Chill out Conrad, you'll have it on your desk by the end of shift. Yes, I've included a 10% cut across the board, just make sure there's 10% less crime and we'll be fine.
Ah, the 70s. Recession, energy crisis, conflict in the Middle East, my how times have changed.
Least we don't have to put up with disco.
It's an old Hux Club casino chip.
Hampton Huxley, the dead porno mag guy?
No, it's not porno, it's a lifestyle. For one brief shining moment in the 80s scantily-clad Hux Club kittens, serving cocktails and dealing blackjack was the pinnacle of Las Vegas high society.
How'd you get in?
Sadly only through the glossy pages of the magazine, which I purchased for the articles.
S10 E1Family Affair
Catherine [as Greg is carrying a container of goo]: Mr. and Mrs. Decomp?
'Til death do they centrifuge.
According to the SMD's, Wilkes traveled 3.2 miles from his last engine stop. Now, how do you drive that far, that wasted and still stay on the road?
Individual tolerances vary, just ask Keith Richards.
Alright, look guys, I got a press conference in an hour and I'd rather not say something that I'll have to backtrack later on. Did Wilkes intentionally kill Olivia Hamilton?
Nick [same time as Ray]: I'd say so.
I doubt it.
Maybe you should cancel the press conference.
Nick [to Ray]: Shooting review board?
Yeah. [reads the letter] They cleared me.
Good. Kill or be killed, Ray. It's a terrible situation to be in, man, don't let it bother 'ya.
It hasn't been bothering me. And that's what's been bothering me.
Sara, I know that you walked into some fireworks in the breakroom.
What? Ecklie? Please.
No, I just read Riley's exit interview. She had some... harsh things to say about my leadership, that the team's fractured, that it lacks cohesion because of me because of my managerial style. I don't know. I-I admit it, I admit that things are different since Grissom left.
Well... it's like when a great baseball team loses its clean-up hitter; suddenly everybody's swinging for the fences and nobody's playin' small ball.
Catherine [smirks]: You're using a baseball analogy.
Ah, apparently part of being married is attempting to share in your spouse's interests.
Catherine [chuckles]: Okay. That's a weird side of you.
Sara [smiles]: I know. Look, you still have a lot of great players and some new talent. Maybe you just need to reshuffle your lineup.
English, please?
You are a great CSI Catherine, and you know how to manage your team. The only thing Grissom had that you don't... is you. [Catherine smiles.]
S10 E2Ghost Town
Porn house, drug house, Millander house in between, they must throw one hell of a block party.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.