CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

Ray

See, Craig, you and I have something in common: We both have father's who killed people.

Your father was a serial killer?

Ray

No, he was a soldier in the Korean War. He even got a Bronze Star for his work.

That's different.

Ray

No it's not. See, after the war was over, my father continued to fight, every once in a while he would go out to a bar, not so much to drink, but to pick fights. I remember one day, he came home he was very excited. He had a black eye and a fat lip, and was bragging about how he had knocked somebody out. Said he hit the man so hard the paramedics had to peel him off the floor, said it was the most fun he had ever had.

Sara

Craig, if we made you feel like you were paying for your father's crimes, I'm sorry.

You know, I never even met Mr. Millander, yet I'm more like a Millander than a Mason. You probably wonder how that happened.

Sara

It has crossed my mind.

You see, my father, Doug Mason, took me to the Halloween warehouse once a month. He told me that the owner, Mr. Millander was his friend, and then my father would play with me with me just like every father would play with his son. Millander's costumes were toys to me, and I'd told my father every time that we went to tell this Mr. Millander that he was a genius. And then one day it all stopped, I lost both my father and my idol. And making masks and rubber hands is my way of keeping the connection alive.

Ray Langston

What's the angriest you've ever been?

Nick Stokes

I've been mad enough to kill somebody. Didn't do it. What about you?

Ray Langston

High threshold. Short fuse.

David Phillips

Me, too. In high school, I vented my frustrations by devising elaborate tortures for my classmates. In comic book form, of course.

Nick Stokes

Well, whether the killer woke up this morning intending to beat this guy to death or not, right now, he's a new man with a new plan. And a big, fat secret.

Ray Langston

Secrets are hard to keep.

Jim Brass

You know, I'm curious, uh, have you had any problems with disgruntled employees lately?

No more than usual. I mean come on, you know what we do here?

Jim Brass

Yeah, I read the sign. You're support operations for The Tangiers.

Which means we laminate badges, distribute uniforms and issue parking permits. We are the testicles of the casino business, my friend. If you're working here, it's not 'cause you want to be.

Brass

I put my credibility on the line for you. CSIs said excessive force, I said 'no way'.

Officer Finn

That's right.

Brass

Oh, really? [plays the dispatch recording of Officer Finn calling Sergeant Johnson a black son of a bitch.]

Officer Finn

I don't remember saying that.

I'm advising you not to speak, not until we hear the complete recording and check the witness statements.

Officer Finn

You think I'm racist? I don't remember, if I said he was black, I was describing the suspect. I was so focused on what the gun was doing I...

Brass

Did you see his face?

Officer Finn

No, it was dark out.

Brass

Are you telling me, you didn't recognize Scott Johnson? He was a trainee, he rode with you, he was your damn partner for four months. You spent 8 hours a day in a car together. You saw more of him than you did of your wife.

This was over 5 years ago.

Brass

So you're telling me you didn't recognize a guy who put a formal complaint in your file for racial discrimination? Let me read this to you: "Frequent and excessive use of racial epithets including the 'N' word."

Officer Finn

First of all, no. I didn't recognize Johnson. And second, yeah, sure, I use street talk with the trainees.

Brass

Come on, you know that doesn't fly anymore.

Officer Finn

But believe me, whatever they get from me is nothing compared to what they're gonna get from the real gorillas in the jungle.

That's a poor choice of words.

Officer Finn

I am training them for the real world and of the dozens and dozens of people I have trained, and that is every color of the rainbow, pal. That hard ass was the only one who ever complained. The only one. He's the racist, not me.

Ray

Look, when I had a gun pulled on me, I didn't check for skin color before I pulled the trigger. Finn's motives are not what we're after, just the evidence that's gonna tell us about his actions.

Sara

Wow. You leave town for a while and all hell breaks loose.

Catherine

Finn took action in the line of duty. Johnson was trying to help a kid at risk.

Nick

So where's the bad guy in this?

Ray

You tell me.

Ray

I was teaching at WLVU when Coach Miller won his second conference title. And everybody loved him, treated him like a god.

Catherine

Even gods have enemies.

Doc Robbins

Coach was struck at least a dozen times.

Nick

A lot of rage here.

Doc Robbins

Agreed. The multiple impacts crushed his skull and drove bone fragments into the brain, causing catastrophic hemorrhaging. It's like when you push your finger into a hard-boiled egg. The shell cracks but the pieces stay in place.

Nick

Thanks for ruining another breakfast for me.

Doc Robbins

It's what I do.

Doc Robbins

C'mon, you're not gonna ask me about the zombie thing?

Nick

Well, you're obviously eager to tell me.

Doc Robbins

Well, damage was predominantly on the right side of the brain to the neo-cortex which controls thought, language and reason. It was almost completely destroyed. But the paleo-cortex which lies beneath it remained intact. The paleo-cotrex controls learned instinct and rituals. Which explains why the victim was able to brush his teeth and eat his breakfast without noticing that he was bleeding to death.

Nick

They never seem to get that right in zombie movies.

Captain, do you know how much the university pays campus security?

Brass

Well, I know that prison inmates make 15 cents an hour. Is it less than that?

You found my Beemer? Good work, boys.

Brass

When you reported it stolen, did you know there was a dead girl inside?

Well, it came fully loaded, but a dead girl wasn't part of the package.

Catherine

What's with all the blood?

Oh, don't take that tone with me, blondie. This is the blood on an innocent Samaritan.

Brass

Oh, yeah? We got a special on Samaritans, we're arresting them tonight.

Greg

Why'd the killer put the gun back in the register? Langston? ... Ray? ... I'll answer my own question. You see, Greg, cop pulls you over and finds cash on you, no big deal. If he finds a gun, then you're going to jail.