Wanda quotes from Corner Gas

Oscar

That's probably because you hooked your hard drive into the protocol, and using bits to spamming up the Internet

Wanda

How are we ever going to tell when you actually do lose your mind?

Brent

So what other cats are in this club?

Wanda

Right now? Just me and Lacey.

Lacey

We're training for the fun run.

Brent

Geez, there's two words that don't belong together.

Karen

So how did Florence die, anyway?

Wanda

Oh, uh, she died of a rare condition called, uh, almost 100.

Wanda

Yeesh, would you call that tacky or icky.

Davis

It's just plain ugly.

Emma

This one's broken. [referring to a toy that's in a community donation box]

Wanda

Let's sing Christmas carols.

Lacey

Who would give a broken toy to a needy child?

Karen

You mean a cheap child.

Oscar

It's one of those motor goats; his head's come off. [chuckles]

Wanda

I think if you look in the neck hole, you'll see there's a twenty in there.

Wanda

[singing] Joy to the world, the Lord has come …

Brent

[to Lacey] I can see what you mean about the weird stuff reminding you.

Lacey

Why should I pay you? These tips are for my service.

Can I get a coffee?

Lacey

In a sec!

Wanda

Come on! Betty or Veronica? Anyone can think of that.

Lacey

This is what I'm saying.

Hank

Yeah? Well, I don't need this! I quit!

Lacey

You're quitting a job you never had.

Hank

It's finally sinking in, isn't it? No more questions from me.

Lacey

[to Wanda] Thanks for sticking up for me.

Wanda

I got your back, sister! [they high-five]

Wanda

I'm full of wit.

Lacey

Rhymes with wit.

Hank

If only we had some kind of bionic eye that made things bigger.

Hank

(Adjusting the dials on the telescope that Brent's looking through). How's that?

Brent

I can read the ingredients on the chips. Oh wait now it looks blurry. (image clears showing a scowling Wanda). Now it looks angry.

Wanda

Wow, does that ever look like my telescope. Oh except this ones got two extra knobs.

Oscar

A monkey could've suggested a better gift. Not a deaf one either, just any old monkey.

Wanda

You people are obssessed with monkeys. A spa day is a great gift. A years supply of bananas, that's the monkey gift.

Oscar

You really dropped the ball on this one.

Wanda

A old tire hanging from a rope that's a monkey gift. Spa day great gift.

Oscar

Well Emma hated it!

Wanda

I know.

Oscar

You know nothing! [calmly] So what do I get her?

Wanda

That's it? That's the fight?

Lacey

Seriously, Wanda. I need your complete, impartial opinion.

Wanda

Alright. I'll be completely impartial. I'll listen to you and Dinglenuts(referring to Hank).

Hank

D-dinglenuts?

Lacey

There were no "Terms".

Wanda

You mean to say that you didn't stipulate finite terms, establish clear, unambiguous points of chronology, duty, and ultimately remuneration?

Hank

Nope. None of those words!

Wanda

What's four times five?

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

Oscar

21.

19.

What's going on?

Wanda

I asked them what four times five is.

Isn't that 20?

Yeah, Fitzy's right.

Oscar

21.

19.

20.

Karen

I need an excuse of some sort.

Wanda

But I did all this work!

Karen

That's the excuse: You did all the work!

Wanda

I was going to tell him he could lay down on the highway and discuss it with speeding traffic, but a blog ???

Hank

Yeah, a blog. That's short for weblog: Web 'cause its on the Internet, and … hmm.

Brent

'Cause it was originally written on wood?

Wanda

Well, why waste this on us when you could put it on the Internet and have the world ignore it?

Hank

Whole world, huh?

Karen

You make it sound like Christmas.

Wanda

Tax time beats the crap out of Christmas.

Brent

They're here, they're here! Oh man I'm as giddy as a...

Wanda

Ninny?

Brent

No.

Wanda

Boob?

Brent

Not quite more than ninny less than boob.

Wanda

Why are you so jacked up over a batch of windshield washer fluid?

Brent

Maybe this will answer your question.

Wanda

Aahhh, nope.

Brent

Well it's red! The old stuff was blue. We used to sell blue, now we're selling red.

Wanda

Wow, I hope we don't get trampled in the rush.