Wanda quotes from Corner Gas

Karen

Seriously, you guys, a joke's a joke, but I want my hacky-sack back.

Davis

We don't know where it is.

Karen

Okay... I guess uhh...I'll go look for it in...the Ruby! Am I getting warmer?

Wanda

You're getting weirder.

Brent

[Upset about Wanda throwing away a TV flyer] Well why would you throw away-

Wanda

Garbage? I'm an enigma.

Brent

Really, does that pay well? Cause I'm getting the feeling your gas station career may be winding up.

Wanda

[sarcastically] Oh no.

Brent

A man's TV should reflect his age. You're 18, 18 inch. When you turn 27, 27 inch. One of these monsters will last me till I'm 50.

Wanda

You're not 50?

Brent

You're not fired?

Brent

Wanda, can I show you something?

Wanda

I've already seen your belly doing the hula.

Emma

Wanda, why don't you call? You have such a beautiful voice.

Wanda

Really? At Karaoke Night, you threw a shoe at me.

Emma

My feet were tired.

Emma

I need Oscar around the house. His weirdness keeps me sane.

Wanda

You and me are very different people.

Brent

Wanda, will you come with me?

Wanda

You rented Jerry Maguire last night, didn't you?

Brent

Yeah, I forgot to bring it back too, but regardless will you come with me?

Wanda

I don't know, Brent...

Brent

Bear in mind, I sign your paycheck.

Wanda

Fine, I'll join your new team.

Oscar

Aahhh.

Brent

Yes, thank you Wanda, you won't regret this.

Wanda

Yeah yeah, you complete me.

Oscar

Strategies! There's no strategy in curling, you just throw rocks.

Brent

Maybe that's why our team record with you as skip is...Wanda?

Wanda

Oh, uh … Two wins, eighty seven losses, one tie.

Wanda

The wins were by default, and the tie was against Mrs. Carter's Grade Three class.

Hank

How does that syrup even pass for music? I mean, whatever happened to rock'n'roll, man?

Wanda

Exactly.

Brent

You know what's really depressing?

Wanda

That I just agreed with Hank about something.

Brent

That's peculiar and unnerving.

Brent

Let me guess, you're broke.

Hank

What makes you say that?

Wanda

Because you're staring at the cash the way Hank stares at cash. [pause] Oh my God, you've become your own metaphor.

Hank

We should get Wunder Face back together again!

Brent

Thunderface. And why would we do that?

Wanda

It's not the worst idea I've ever heard.

Brent

Okay that's twice you've agreed with Hank.

Wanda

Is there some strange planetary lineup today?

Brent

To victory.

Lacey

To perfect attendance.

Wanda

[drunk] To the internal combustion engine, baby!

Wanda

Hey, Lacey! I need your boards; I'm up to my armpits in bulletins!

Brent

That's almost two feet of bulletins.

Wanda

Dear Brent: I know you're on vacation, but if you get the chance, maybe in between your pedicure and your mud bath, can you fix the debit machine like you said you would? All the best, Wanda.

Brent

Dear Wanda: You can do it. Sincerely, Brent.

Wanda

Dear Brent: I don't have the passcodes to fix the machine, now do I? PS Your shirt's ugly.

Hank

Where's Incommunicado?

Wanda

You're familiar with the island of Ignoramus?