Señor Chang quotes from Community

[pulls out a roll of coins] Do you know what this is?

A roll of quarters?

Yeah, that's right! [punches Duncan]

Jeff

Look, we have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen with Chang?

[growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they're my friends! [menacingly] I'm your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!

Jeff

[answering a question by Professor Bauer] It was a trick question. The tool most important for humanity survival wasn't any of the nine in the box.

Go on.

Jeff

The most important tool is respect.

Ha! Gayyyyyy!

Britta

I can't believe that somebody would mass-roofie an entire party.

I can't believe it wasn't me.

Jeff

I can't believe I believe you. And I don't.

Wanna watch a movie?

Abed

Sure. Aliens, cyborgs or zombies?

I don't know why, but I'm kind of over zombies.

Abed

Yeah, I don't feel like anything action-heavy. How about something light?

You seen Marmaduke?

Abed

No. Cool, cool, cool.

And so, Troy and Abed went back to the dormitory for a viewing of Marmaduke. I'm George Takei. And if your name is Kevin, here's a little freebie for your cell phone. Hi, Kevin can't come to the phone. He's on a spaceship with me, George Takei. Please leave a message. You're welcome, Kevins. Happy Halloween.

What's this? What's going on?

Abed

It's a mixer.

Well why's everyone from Anthro class here? Are you guys picking a new study group member--and you didn't invite me?

Abed

We didn't know how to reach you.

What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.

Abed

We didn't know how to reach you.

That's not true. That's a lie.

Abed

[twitching] It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.

Abed

Works every time.

[Dean enters anthropology classroom while Duncan is drinking wine, so Duncan throws the glass on floor] And that's how Jews celebrate at weddings! Anthropology!

L'chaim!

Man, Math Club has gotten a lot better since last year.

Jeff

Obviously they were practicing while the rest of us went on dates!

Jeff

We're gonna fly to school each morning,We're gonna smile the entire time.

Britta

We're gonna be more happy,We're gonna finally be fine!

Abed

We're gonna get more calm and normal,

We're gonna fix our state of mind!

Annie

We're gonna be less crazy,

We're gonna finally be fine!

Shirley

We're gonna stand holding hands in a brand new land,Far away from the borderline!

Dean

We're gonna seem like a mainstream dream,

And be appealing to all mankiiiiiind!

We're gonna have more fun and be less weirdThan the first two years combined!And we're gonna live forever!

And we're gonna sleep together!

And we're gonna finallyBe sunny and shinilyWe're gonna finally be fine!

"Arizona backwards is still Arizona backwards." Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was finally sane.

... And I needed answers like a fish needed a bicycle, bad

Annie

[To Jeff] Who the hell are you always texting?! Everyone you know is here!

Annie

Wow. They found a way to make the Human Being even creepier - covering him in icicles.

Shirley

I think it's festive.

Jeff

Yeah, my favorite Christmas tradition is trimming the Hellraiser.

Abed

Guys, I found something we can watch together for Christmas this year. The long-lost 1981 Inspector Spacetime Holiday Special. Run time two and half hours, and so critically reviled that after it aired, the creator had his knighthood revoked.

That sounds terrible. I want to watch it twice, but I'm spending Christmas with my relatives. Or rather, I'm spending the day with my relatives while they refuse to acknowledge Christmas.

Shirley

You Jehovah's Witnesses - so severe. Andre and I will be spending Christmas giving gifts to the more persuadable of our Jewish friends.

Annie

I wouldn't call an unannounced visit from your pastor "a gift." And don't bother this year, I'll be at the movies with my bubbe.

You're not taking both of them?

Annie

Well, one's dead.

What?!

Abed

I was looking forward to hanging out with you guys this Christmas. This semester has been so long and dark and angry. I was thinking we could have some light-hearted fun as a family.

Jeff

I think what we've learned, Abed, is that attempts to make the holidays brighter tend to give them a certain darkness.

Shirley

Oh, I don't know if I agree with that.

[singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Shirley

...Actually, maybe I do.

[singing] Tis the season to be jolly

Merry Christmas, Greendale! Glee Club here, reminding you that our Christmas pageant is coming! Next stop, regionals!

Pierce

What the hell are regionals? They never stop talking about it.

[singing] Deck~

Please tell me we were not this obnoxious the year we filled in for them.

Annie

T-minus 5 seconds until the hip-hop remix. 4, 3…

[rapping] Come on!

Britta

You’re awfully quiet, Jeff. No one hates glee club more than you do.

Jeff

Today, I’m just content to sit back and enjoy the show.

And now, our pop music mashup…

…Elton Little John Lennon!

Hit it!

[rapping] Hey, tiny dancer!

[rapping] OKAY-!

Stop! Cease…and desist.

Jeff

Glee club, meet ASCAP, protecting musical copyright since 1914. It appears they have received an anonymous tip that unlicensed material has been performed here without the artist’s permission. Merry Christmas, everyone. Glee club just became history club.

Annie

It’s good to be back.

Shirley

Should we go celebrate at Skeepers?

Britta

Aw, come on, Shirley; we all have lives.

Dean Pelton

There you are! I am so proud how you stepped up and made amends, and everyone forgave you! Because when it comes right down to it, Greendale's a forgiving place.

Annie

It really is.

Dean Pelton

Please keep that in mind for the next 20 seconds; remember that people can "chang".

Jeff

People can what?

Dean Pelton

Hmm?

Hi, I'm Kevin.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Dean Pelton

[whispering] He has Changnesia.

Abed

I was looking for you.

What? I...

Abed

We discovered you're the reason we all went to Greendale. You linked all our stories, like how the Cosmic Cube assembled the Avengers. That, and the four billion dollar deal with Disney. Turns out you were always one of us. So I came to see if you wanted to get some frozen yogurt.

Really? That's... That's all I ever wanted. But it's too late.

Abed

Here's another thing I realised. Because of you, we got to reinvent ourselves at Greendale. Everyone should have the same chance, don't you think, Chang?

It's not Chang. It's Kevin. [Abed just looks at him] How long have you known?

Abed

Known what? Only you know who you really are. Also, you may have experimental monkey fever. You coming?

[pauses] Yeah.

Annie

The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!

I have an idea!

Annie

Chang, your last idea was to murder.

Jeff

I guess it could use a little something, theme-wise.

I have an idea. [everyone turns around] Bear down for midterms.

Jeff

What?

Bear down for midterms.

You can't just repeat it, you need to explain yourself.

There's a brand-new dance

Garrett

IT'S A BEAR DANCE!!