Well, everyone, you are looking at a winner.
You were the best kisser upper? Gee what does that trophy look like?
S7 E15Don't Paint Your Chickens
S7 E16The Cranemakers
[A pregnant Lilith enters the bar.]
Lay your hands upon me everyone, I am life. I am mother. My man's seed is nourished within me. [To Sam] Touch my breasts, my friend, I am lactating.
Boy, I tell ya, this is kind of a first for me, uh, but I'm gonna pass.
S7 E18What's Up, Doc?
What kind of problem should I make up?
Well how about this, I once took one of my kids to the school psychiatrist and he said the kid had kleptomania.
Anything come of it?
Got a couple of pens and a leather appointment book.
Or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
You are a failure.
Then I've licked it.
Answer the question, what do I have in my life that isn't women or sex?
Come on Sam, you're a passionate guy. I bet you have a lot of things you care deeply about.
Yeah, like what?
Sailing.
Babes on waves. See, the doctor was right. I'm a shallow guy.
S7 E19The Gift of the Woodi
There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her looks to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
What's that?
Scaring them stupid.
For God's sake. Are you still going on about your stupid vegetable?
It's not my vegetable, Norm. It belongs to the whole world.
Aren't you vegetable enough for the world?
S7 E20Call Me, Irresponsible
Isn't Eddie sweet? Why can't more men send flowers?
I didn't know Mormons couldn't send flowers.
I said "more men", not Mormon.
I know they can't dance.
No Sam, that's the Amish.
Then why can't Mormons send flowers?
They can!! I just wish someone would send me some damn flowers!
So why does it have to be a Mormon?
Oh! [walks away]
Some people you just can't discuss religion with.
What's goin' on, Mr. Peterson?
The flashing side of my gut that says "insert beer here."
S7 E21Sisterly Love
At this very moment, Rebecca Howe is in her house spending two hours getting into an outfit she's gonna spend two minutes getting out of.
What are you going to do about that sister?
Oh, I already made a phone call to postpone our date.
You gonna take her out tomorrow night?
No, take her out in a couple of hours.
Carla, you hate your sister, don't you?
Sure, why?
What would I have to do to get the two of you back together again?
Simple, Sam. Ask me to come down and identify her body.
S7 E22The Visiting Lecher
Why didn't you just bring Valerie with you?
LLawrence
Well you know she hates to travel. Besides we decided this was a perfect opportunity to test my theories about martial fidelity. And I'm glad to say that after 10 months of celibacy, I can how pronounce my principles sound.
After 10 months of celibacy I couldn't even pronounce my name.
Your husband came onto me at a local bar.
VValerie
Do you mean he propositioned you?
Well he didn't exactly proposition me.
VValerie
Well what exactly did he do?
He asked me about my feelings.
VValerie
That is his field you know.
That isn't all he did. He rubbed my leg with his disgusting foot.
[to maid] She never gets tired of telling this part.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.