TV show quotes
Hey Sam, what are you concocting there?
You know how superstitious Carla and Eddie are, I thought I'd mix them up a batch of my good luck wedding punch. It never fails.
Isn't that the same stuff you made when you were getting married to Miss Chambers?
[pause] Woody, you want to flush this down the toilet?
Here's to the most beautiful woman in the world. [Lilith throws the glass of wine in his face] Let me guess, you read the letter.
Lilith (furious): Yes, I read the letter, you licentious quack! And what facile tripe it is! "We both need time to grow, to develop as people!". Who is the slut!?
SHE'S NO SLUT! [quails slightly at Lilith's scowl] What slut? Well, I mean, look...it was all a mistake, it's just a big mistake...
Oh, you bet it is, mister! You want your freedom!? I'll give you freedom...FROM YOUR TEETH! [She picks up a dish and takes aim at Frasier]
NO, LILITH! Not the Royal Doulton!
Oh look there's your favorite hiding place in the closet. You used to be in there for hours.
It's cause you always locked the door on me, Ma.
Well look at the result. You're a very polite young man.
How you been there, Frasier?
You know how it is for a psychiatrist this day in age. Divorces. Hopelessness over financial situations. Rampant paranoia. Thriving, never better.
[about Lillith] Oh God I'm losing her, Sam.
Will you stop that? You're my friend, I'm never going to take a woman away from you.
What about Diane?
And didn't God punish me with a vengeance?
Well, yes, but gee whiz.
You can call me a traditionalist, call me out of step with the times but I prefer to get my women the old-fashioned way.
In a plain brown wrapper?
Woody, you have been coming in here dressed in that ridiculous getup for three weeks now. When are you going to stop this nonsense.
Carla, as an understudy I have to be dressed and ready to go on at a moments notice. Putting on makeup like this can take hours but I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Why? Cause I'm not in the theater?
No, because you don't wear makeup.
We had oodles of fun and we lost a combined 11 pounds to boot.
You lost weight on a cruise? I thought there were wall to wall meals?
There's also wall to wall waves.
What's got you so upset?
Some college professor has just published an article that refutes everything I said in my last paper.
Sounds like a shoot out at the Cuckoo Corral.
How's life treatin' ya?
It's not Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.
[to Rebecca] What do you say? Shall we strip down to our smiles and show the couch here a good time?
Oh, hey. Did you notice the pool on the way in?
Yeah.
[Norm chuckles]
So when summer rolls around and all those girls are out there in their French-cut bikinis, I don't have to tell you where I'll be.
Standing right here with a pair of binoculars?
That's right.
[about Rebecca] Ah, well don't feel bad Sam. Just because everybody else got her something. The pretzel salesman, the beer distributor, the relief bartender, the guy she fired after one day.
Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute though. All those guys were just trying to get her into the sack.
[Carla gives Sam a stare.]
I've got some shopping to do!
Hey Carla. I got a present for Rebecca.
[noticing the woman with Sam] I see you picked up a little package for yourself, too.
Hey, why not? I've been a good boy, and it's just what I asked for.
What are you doing there?
Miss Howe put moi in charge of refreshments for the book club.
Yeah, but what are those?
Finger sandwiches. You know, the part that takes the most time is getting that middle knuckle right.
Woody, they don't actually have to look like fingers.
Yeah right.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
