[to Diane] They can stop me from killing you, but they can't stop me from marrying you.
S5 E13Chambers vs. Malone
Father, do you believe in the afterlife?
PPriest
Yes, my son. I do.
[Pause]
Well, good. Maybe I can find her there, and, get her again.
S5 E14Diamond Sam
Sam, this has gone too far. I think it's time you told her the truth.
The truth? And you call yourself a psychiatrist.
Something tells me Diane's not the type of woman who'd want a ring from a jeweler who starts every business transaction with "Pssst, buddy."
S5 E15Spellbound
[about Nick] He knows women like a jeweler knows jewels; like a meat-cutter knows meat.
LLoretta
Like a marine biologist knows Marines.
S5 E16Never Love a Goalie: Part 1
No way some guy like that ends up with me.
Will you stop cutting yourself short. You offer a lot of things to a guy.
Oh yeah, sure. Six kids, mortgage up to my ears, stack of bills, dead end job, and fallen arches.
You know, if I wasn't already engaged...
What about Frasier? Frasier you look like you could use a pick me up.
A hockey game? No, thank you. I've been to a bullfights in Spain and I've been to the altar with Diane. I think that's enough carnage for one life.
S5 E17Never Love a Goalie: Part 2
We were thinking maybe somebody's got to tell Carla that she's jinxing Eddie.
And what suicidal idiot did you have in mind to do that?
Well your name kept coming up.
How can a man tell a woman he loves her and yet try to kill her?
I can see it.
S5 E19Dog Bites Cliff
MMadeline
I'd like to help with the doctor bills.
[Cliff looks at Sam.]
That's good.
[to Madeline] That's good.
MMadeline
Anything to help ease the burden on you and your family.
[Cliff looks at Sam again.]
You're not married.
[to Madeline] You're not married. [Sam taps Cliff on the shoulder.] I mean I'm not married. But I could be if I wanted to. Right, Sam?
Sure.
S5 E20Dinner at Eight-ish
[to Lillith] Darling? Don't make yourself too beautiful I can hardly stand to look at you now.
[Diane and Lilith are in the bathroom.]
I should have done this earlier.
What are you doing?
[Frasier locks the bathroom from the outside]
What was that? [Tries door] Frasier what are you doing? Frasier the door seems to be jammed. Frasier?
Sam, open the door.
[Fraiser offers Sam a cigar]
Macanudo?
Don't mind if I do, thank you.
You know, I can't stand all this caterwauling, let's go upstairs. I've got all 13 episodes of I, Claudius on tape.
Great, I love gladiator flicks.
S5 E21Simon Says
[Simon enters the bar and spots Frasier]
SSimon
[sings] Three Little Maids from School are we.
[sings] Pert as a Schoolgirl well may be.
BBoth
[sing] Filled to the brim with girlish glee, Three Little Maids from School.
Sam should I call the police?
No need for alarm Woody, we were in the spring musical at Oxford together. It was The Mikado. Simon was Pitti-Sing and I was Yum-Yum.
SSimon
And a handsomer Yum-Yum I've never seen.
[Sam & Diane visit Dr Finch-Royce for the umpteenth time]
Doctor, there's still one thing you haven't considered...
SSimon
[flustered] OK. Sam, Diane, you two are perfect together. I'm sorry I made a mistake before but you are the most perfectly matched couple ever. But, why am I telling this to you? Let's share it with the rest of the world. [shouts out the window] Hear this, world! The rest of you can stop getting married! It's been done to perfection! [gesturing to the furniture] Envy them, sofa, envy them, chair, for you shall never be as cozy as they for their union shall be an epoch-shattering success and I STAKE MY LIFE ON IT. Wait a moment, let me get this on record! [talks into his tape recorder] "I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind and body declare that Sam and Diane shall be happy together throughout all eternity and if I am wrong I promise I will take my own life in the most disgusting manner possible." Here, take the tape, NO, take the whole machine. It's my wedding gift to you. The most perfect couple since the DAWN of TIME.
[turns to Sam, beaming] See?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.