Camp Lazlo · Season 1
Here you go pal, use my neckerchief. I won't need it anymore.
Lazlo, there is something written on the inside of your neckerchief.
Oh yeah, that was there...when I first got it.
Let me take to my heart, Camp Kidney, a wonderland where summer runs free...
...where I laughed and I played while my good parents paid to let their child come of age and be me.
[laughs] Steaming saffron! Who wrote that hokey baloony!?
[crying] I did.
Oblivion!
A ROCK?!
How do you feel now, sir?
How do I feel? [jumps onto the table and dances] More importantly, how do I look?
Why, you look thinner already.
Yeah, heh, heh-- what?
The McMuseli low-cal fat-free food-free weight-loss meal plan never fails to shed…
[grabs him by the shoulders; savagely] YOU PSYCHOTIC SALAD SPINNER!
Pounds.
I'm trying to gain weight!
Gain weight?! I can't handle such insanity! He is not of this world!
[frantically] I got to get some real food! I got to get out of here!
[squeals] The new issue of "Dreamboat" magazine! [gasps] With Hanly Manster on the cover! He's so gorgeous.
And generous! He adopts underprivileged baby ponies.
[dreamily] I'd like to put him in a cage and keep him on my nightstand… forever.
[sighs dreamily] I wish he were here with us right now.
Well, if you gals are all set, I'm gonna get a move on.
Thanks for the magazine. [gasps]
What's the matter, Ni- [gasps]
You girls sound like a couple of… [gasps]
He looks just like Hanly Manster! [compares the magazine with Hanly Manster on the cover and Samson, seeing that they're both alike]
[The Squirrel Scouts imagine Samson as Hanly Manster and all sigh dreamily]
Well, [chuckles] I'm off. The road's a harsh mistress, and she waits for no one. [starts to pedal away back to Camp Kidney, but the girls block his way]
What's your hurry, Manly… I mean, Samson?
[nervously] What? Well, uh…
Why don't you stick around a while?
[returns to camp and to his cabin after getting battered by the Squirrel Scouts] That was really strange. [hears voices and peeks inside his cabin, seeing the Squirrel Scouts already in there and looking around]
Look! His pillow!
That's where he lays his sweet, sweet head.
I found his socks!
I found his tissues!
I found his dandruff!
Let me have some!
Get your own!
I said, give me some of that Samson dander!
[points to Samson outside the cabin door] Look!
It's him!
[dreamily] Hi, Samson.
Hello.
Can we do anything for you?
Can you put my dandruff back where you found it?
[The Jellies find Samson hiding in a tray of potato salad]
Samson, what are you doing in there?
Hiding from the Squirrel Scouts! Please let me stay! I beg you!
Why are you hiding from the Squirrel Scouts?
[holds up the "Dreamboat" magazine] They think I look like some hunky heartthrob named Hanly Manster.
[looks closely at the magazine] Hanly Manster?
[The sound of Squirrel Scouts screaming excitedly is heard]
Oh, now you've done it!
Samson, you can't hide in there forever. What will you eat?
Potato salad?
[pulls Samson out of the tray] Come on, you. We'll help you figure a way out of this mess.
[The Jellies and Samson are trying to lay low while hiding in the Jelly cabin from the Squirrel Scouts after they've been chasing Samson around all day]
No matter where we hide, the Squirrel Scouts always find us!
They won't find us in here, Raj.
[gasps fearfully when he hears a squealing sound, believing it's them] (Oh, no!) Here they come!
That's just my deviated septum. It's not so loud if I breathe through my mouth.
Hi, Samson!
[The Jellies and Samson all scream in terror and back away as the Squirrel Scouts come closer to them]
I'm sorry, Samson! I didn't sign up for this! [uses Clam as a drill and they both fall in a hole, escaping the cabin]
Run away!
[as Raj and Clam crawl out from under the cabin] Raj? Clam? You slipped the magazine under the door.
Guilty. It's amazing what you can do with tape, scissors, and a picture of Edward. [holds up the new issue of "Dreamboat" with a picture of Edward tapped on it]
[off-screen, while the Squirrel Scouts chase him down] NO!!!!
Whoa! Poor Edward.
I'd hate to be that guy.
[on the intercom] Attention, campers. The department of forestry has reminded us once again to stop hitting our heads against boulders.
[to Skip] There's that voice again.
[on the intercom] On a similar note, the fish and game department has informed us that it's not wise to play This Little Piggy with the sleeping bears.
[appears out of nowhere, squashing Slinkman] GAH!!! NO MORE LITTLE PIGGY! NO MORE LITTLE PIGGY, PLEASE! [runs off screaming]
That is one smart bear.
[The next morning, all the campers are in their jammies]
[to Lazlo] Slinkman has never gotten us out early for announcements before. [sees Slinkman in his full body cast in the wheelchair, looking very annoyed] Uh-oh.
Listen up, campers. Due to our mishap yesterday involving... Well, [through clenched teeth] I won't mention any names, but their initials are... CHIP AND SKIP!!!
Yay!/Whoo-hoo!
He said our initials!
We are reinstating the rule that all cabin leaders are responsible for their bunk mates. [Campers gasped] That means keep them from hurting themselves or others.
Wait a minute. What does that mean, babysitting?
In your case, Edward, it means dung-sitting, 24/7.
WHAT?!?!
Edward's gonna dung-sit?
Does that mean he can sit on us?
[desperately] No! [grabbing Slikman, causing him to fall down] I don't want to be a dung-sitter! I beg you! You can't do that to me!
I'm sorry, Edward, it's new... camp... policy! [shoves Edward off him with his feet and onto Chip and Skip]
Hey, Edward, are you gonna sit on us for a while?
I don't know if you wanna do that. We just had beans.
[sulking grumpily to himself] I hate my life.
A question; What's 20 billion times katillion?
480 lumpillion.
Wow!
Tell me, how many tubes of toothpaste will I use in a lifetime?
You haven't finished your first one.
They're totally right! [his tooth falls out]
Professors, in your educated opinion, do you believe our sun will be a future habitat for Lava People
Well, actually Lazlo, in five billion years, our sun will be a Red Giant, engulfing three planets in our solar system, after which it will go supernova.
[looking at a brown, muddy blob] What is it?
A computer.
We made it out of twigs and mud.
The current operator is not smart enough to run this computer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Camp Lazlo pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
