[to Jermy] NO! GO AWAY! WE TOLD YOU WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE!
S4 E13Campfire Tales
S4 E17The Butterfinger Effect
[walks up to Ered] If you're looking for something to do, wanna join me for some LARPing?
[looks up at the ramp where "Race" Kid is on] I mean... [looks back at Nerris, who is sweating for an answer] ...Sure? [Nerris gasps in excitement as the sweat is off her] It looks like there's nothing better to do. [The Butterfinger Effect hits her as she looks at Nerris, who has suddenly changed her outfit into a band player's] That's weird, when did you start playing an instrument?
I have no idea!
S4 E18Time Crapsules
I'm sure your past self would've been thrilled to know he ended up as a camp counselor.
He sure would! [pulls out a note]
1Y10-year-old David
[in a handwritten note] One day I hope I end up as a camp counselor.
I am deeply upset that I didn't see that coming.
I was supposed to be an influential author with a smoking-hot husband and fat stacks of cash. Instead, my ass is stuck in a trash can, I have no idea who I am, and it's too late for me!
Nonsense, Gwen, you're just looking at it all wrong! Come on, I'll show you.
[Max leaves the camp office, but comes back moments later]
MGMax & Gwen
Ass stuck in a trash can.
Right.
No one's going to end up a failure in life!
Oh, kids. Of course you're going to fail! [The campers panic] For Christ's sake, will you stop screeching?! Failure is unavoidable. Like going to a baseball game and then remembering baseball is terrible! The fact of the matter is, most of you- like me- won't end up where you want to be in the future.
I fucking knew it!
Will you stop?! [composes himself, continues thoughtfully] Here's the thing. You've got to take your failures, and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell, for instance. A lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the Camp realized it would never reach the end of its path until it was ready, or until it gave up! So, if the Camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.
Woah. I had no idea this camp had so many complex emotions.
So maybe there's no need to rush anything. Sorry, Gwen.
Yeah, well. I guess dusting off some of those writing samples could make for some good practice.
Maybe the time capsules aren't scary commitments to the future, but are actually just proof of how we've grown since childhood.
Or maybe they're a waste of fucking energy. All in favor of striking this Camp activity from the roster forever?
[Every camper except Max raises their hands; the others drop their boxes into the fire]
I don't know what happened here today, David, but whatever it was, [drops the box he's holding in the fire] I'm glad I was here to be a part of it.
Did you just throw your treasury bonds in the fire?
Oh, my God, WHAT'VE I DONE?!
S4 E20With Friends Like These
What are you-
Do you like us?!
That is a bold question to ask this early in the morning.
We're gonna leave our mark on this camp!
DDolph
Figuratively, or literally?
With today's modern vernacular, there isn't a difference!
[David and Max watch the sun setting over Lake Lilac]
Nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow, or the day after that. It could be good, bad- total surprise. One day, you're at a summer camp you hate. The next, you don't want to leave. One day, everything is running smoothly. The next- boy. Max, this is Gwen's last summer at Camp Campbell.
What?
She got an offer she couldn't refuse.
Like- the Mob?
Like a job.
Right. Continue.
I could never have kept this place running without Gwen. Heck, I couldn't be here with you now if it wasn't for her. If I can't find someone new, if I can't do this on my own, there may not be a next summer after all.
So- what're you gonna do if things don't work out?
I don't know. But, whether they do or they don't, one of these days I'm going to close up Camp for the last time. So the more I can make of what I have today, the more I can walk away with when it's gone. That's all I want for you kids, Max. To have something to take with you.
[Something explodes downhill, from the direction of Camp]
Is that coming from-?
Obviously.
S5 E1Welcome Back, Campers!
Ooh, can you believe it? We're back for a whole new summer!
Yep, it's really, truly horrifying.
Oh, Max, you must be a little excited to see the other campers!
You know what? I am. [David gasps in excitement] This camp sucks, but you know what else sucks? Life out there; family, school, crumbling society... These assholes are way more fun!
...I'll take it!
Though, I guess Gwen is gone, and Campbell won't be around to involve us in his "illegal schemes", but overall, it'll be the same.
[A new camp counselor named C.J. arrives]
CJC.J.
Yup! Exactly the same.
[chuckles] C.J.! I... couldn't help but notice you made some [looks at C.J.'s outfit style] modifications to your counselor uniform. Well, you know what they say, the lower the "V", the higher the SPF. It gets hotter every year thanks to... climate change.
CJC.J.
[chuckles] I don't touch that stuff.
Sun... screen?
CJC.J.
Climate change. Or sunscreen. Full of chemicals. Here, take these supplements, [holds up a bottle and throws two of them to David and Max] it'll make your skin wet, the sun HATES. It also skyrockets your libido and um... [points at David's hair] stimulates hair growth. [David gasps and covers his hair in fear]
This dynamic will be fun to exploit.
S5 E3The Talk
[Nikki is still in the Flower Scouts' mud bath relaxing]
[obliviously uses some makeup on her face] I can't believe the Flower Scouts had Grade A warpaint just lying around. It doesn't smudge or anything! Must've borrowed it from the Woodscouts. [she grabs a mirror to look at herself, only to notice her face has grown beautiful eyelashes and her bandage is gone; gasps] I look... LIKE A FLOWER SCOUT! [looks up at a poster that reads "Dead Sea Mud; guaranteed to totally change you!". Seeing this, she looks at her nails, which the dead sea mud made them very long, shiny and pretty. She gasps again as she lifts her left foot up, to see she is somehow now in heels] OH, GOD, I'M A MONSTER! [whimpers as she looks at her new left heel]
S5 E4Infested
[last line of the series]
We're here, Camp Campbell! We've spared every expense. All of 'em. Each expense, we spared it. We said nope, not gonna spend it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Camp Camp pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.