[While everyone is fighting, Brian/"Kimchi" gets into Cameron Campbell's safe, dropping his neutral, mid-Atlantic accent]
DDang
But-- He-- [checks his back and front pants pockets] I had the combination! Where'd it go!?
NurfYou guys, I think Kimchi just won the scavenger hunt.
BBrian
[in a pronounced Kentucky drawl] Shut up! I've had to suffer you morons all day just to get my prize! And now, finally, Kentucky has all the resources it needs, to secede from this godless country! And create a utopia where we can raise horses and fry chicken to our hearts' content! [flips everyone off] Long live the Colonel, assholes! [jumps through a window, and flies away as a helicopter shows up and drops down a rope ladder; singing] Oh, the sun shines bright on my old Kentucky home...
HHwan
The Great Leader will not be pleased. And I cannot face the labor camps!
DDang
[he, Vera and Hwan get out their Cyanide pill bottles] Bottoms up, comrades.
[Nikki is awaiting for her boat and herself to be on fire as a flaming arrow shot by Nurf misses her and goes into the water, much to her impatience]
Nurf
This is harder than it looks!
[runs up and takes away the bow from Nurf] Kids, I'm concerned about the number of times I've had to ask this, but, why are you trying to set Nikki on fire?
Nurf
Neil poisoned Nikki so we're burning her body like vikings!
[runs up to Nikki, who is still in the boat] Nikki, are you really dead?
[with one eye open and a whispering voice] Yes.
I tried to create the perfect day of camp for you and everything. But your only goal was to hurt me. Because of something I said when I was just a kid.
Just a KID!?!? Kids are DIABOLICAL MONSTRONSITIES that drive you to THE BRINK OF INSANITY! After everything I've done for you, you chose a bunch of kids, over ME.
But that's... that's the job. You really don't get that, do you?
David, seriously!? You actually feel sorry for this piece of shit!? This doesn't piss you off!?
[to Max] I'm not p'd off, Max. [to Cameron Campbell] I'm just...
NOOOOOOOOOO-HO-HO-HO! [rips off his uniform and runs off into the wilderness screaming]
Nurf
Wow. That is the fastest I've ever seen this place break a new kid.
[notices a couple with one holding a sword] WHOA! Where are they going!?
[forces Nerris to move along] Nowhere! Probably some drug convention!
[Harrison is watching a street magician]
SMStreet Magician
Find the silver ball. [as he shuffles the cups] Get an authentic Dolex watch!
Heh. What an amateur. He doesn't even have a ball.
[grabs Harrison's arm and yanks him away] Harrison!
DDolph
David, look! Zat baldman is handing out flyers with a picture of me!
[forces Dolph back to the group] Let's go this way.
YAYoung Adult Woman
Hello, sir. Would you like to help save the kids?
I'M TRYING! [the woman walks away]
MIMan in Trenchcoat
[walks up to David] Hey, wanna have a good time?
[rhetorically answering] Sure! David loves having a good time!
[nervously laughs] No thanks.
MIMan in Trenchcoat
[opens his trenchcoat to reveal flyers and brochures to the museum while his shirt reads "I ❤️ Trench Coats"] You sure? Kids get in free to the museum today! There's hot air balloon rides to the park, all kinds of fun activates for all ages!
Nurf
We're actually looking for some of our missing friends. About, yay high, real nerdy?
MIMan in Trenchcoat
Hm... If I were to start somewhere, I'd go with downtown. That's why I got lost as a kid. Good luck! [David and the rest of the campers wave "bye" at him cheerfully; to himself, sadly] Ugh. Never did find my parents.
[David and the other campers get out of a van]
Thanks again for the ride! [walks off]
VDVan Driver
Anytime! [gets out a bag of candy for the campers] Don't forget about the free candy I promised ya! [the campers cheer in excitement]
Nikki? Max? Are you in this horrible alley? [a mugger walks up to him from behind] Scream once if you're being murdered.
MMugger
Alright, hand it over!
[turns to look at the mugger and raises his hands up] Oh my gosh!
MMugger
I mean it, pal! I'll cut you a new one!
[The campers walk up to David, while they examine what they got from the driver]
Nurf
Whoa! Full size candy bars? That guy wasn't messing around.
[waves a candy bar to David] David! You gotta see this!
MMugger
[notices the kids behind David] Oh, are all these kids with you? Oh man, it's hard out there for a single parent, isn't it?
MMugger
Oh here, please. [gives David his knife] You need this more than I do. This city is dangerous, but be careful, it's incredibly sharp. Mugged a lot of people with this knife and now you will do.
Oh. My fingerprints are on this now.
Wow! David got the Sword of Truth! Bonus D 30 by 63 points!
MMugger
[as he walks off] Always listen to your dad, kids!
No one's going to end up a failure in life!
Oh, kids. Of course you're going to fail! [The campers panic] For Christ's sake, will you stop screeching?! Failure is unavoidable. Like going to a baseball game and then remembering baseball is terrible! The fact of the matter is, most of you- like me- won't end up where you want to be in the future.
Will you stop?! [composes himself, continues thoughtfully] Here's the thing. You've got to take your failures, and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell, for instance. A lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the Camp realized it would never reach the end of its path until it was ready, or until it gave up! So, if the Camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.
Nurf
Woah. I had no idea this camp had so many complex emotions.
So maybe there's no need to rush anything. Sorry, Gwen.
Yeah, well. I guess dusting off some of those writing samples could make for some good practice.
Maybe the time capsules aren't scary commitments to the future, but are actually just proof of how we've grown since childhood.
Or maybe they're a waste of fucking energy. All in favor of striking this Camp activity from the roster forever?
[Every camper except Max raises their hands; the others drop their boxes into the fire]
I don't know what happened here today, David, but whatever it was, [drops the box he's holding in the fire] I'm glad I was here to be a part of it.
Did you just throw your treasury bonds in the fire?
Oh, my God, WHAT'VE I DONE?!
Camp Camp · 71 quotes
