Sorry, I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan.
The... ew! I don't wanna see that.
Retinal scan, Xander.
“Goodbye Iowa” · Season 4
In this episode: Buffy Summers (8), Xander Harris (5), Willow Rosenberg (3), Rupert Giles (1), Anya Jenkins (1), Adam (1)
Make out with me.
What?
As a way to hide. They always do that in movies.
This is the Initiative, Xander. Military people don't make out with science people.
Maybe that's what's wrong with the world. You ever think about that?
[Buffy, Willow, and Anya are watching Road Runner in bed in Xander's Basement]
That would never happen.
Well no, Buff. That's why they're called cartoons not documentaries.
I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine.
[uncomfortable pause]
That probably would've sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
[about Adam] I could barely fight him. It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast, he gave the commando guys the slip with no problem.
There's gotta be a flaw.
I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.
Seems pretty quiet.
Buffy It usually is this time of--
Buff, maybe you should check the look later.
Shh!
Ow! What'd you do that for?
Sorry, I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan.
The-- Ew! I don't wanna see that.
Retinal scan, Xander. Well, we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good.
Or if we're about to die at the hands of 50 grief-fueled military goons. Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-size microwave?
Holy moley!
I know.
I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too? Quick, pretend to make out with me!
What? What are you talking about?!
Well, I, uh... You know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide.
Please. Could you possibly draw more attention to us? This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other.
Well, maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?
[Buffy, Willow, and Anya are watching Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner in bed in Xander's Basement]
That would never happen.
Well no, Buff, that's why they're called cartoons, not documentaries.
Must we have the noise? My head is splitting.
Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning.
Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
AAnya
Everytime you moved, it make squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Okay, you guys. Could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage.
AAnya
Sorry.
Sorry.
Thank you.
It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all.
I don't know. Just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart.
AAnya
And after everything you've been through with Angel. You know, you really sould get yourself a boring boyfriend, like Xander. You can't have Xander.
That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies, going "Tra-la-la."
Poor Buffy, your life resists all thing average.
AAnya
So dump him. But you can't have Xander.
I'll try and remember that. It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the "I hurt when he hurts, I smiles when he smiles" stage.
AAnya
I hate that part.
I'll just have to make it work.
Turn on the TV. Now!
TATV Announcer
Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer, and his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect, and the killer is still at large.
The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one that Maggie insisted we bring back alive.
She must have sent it after you.
And it got distracted. God.
Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know?
She's right. You mustn't blame yourself.
I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make it pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. [uncomfortable pause] That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.
I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it, learn it. I saw the inside of that boy, and it was beautiful, but it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now... I want to learn about me. Why I feel. What I am. [drops down from his platform] So I came home. [inserts a disk into the drive in his chest] I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid, designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam, and I called her mother.
ADr. Angleman
Adam, Maggie would want you to stand down.
Yes... but I seem to have a design flaw.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.