[keyboard clacking and computer beeping]
Giles[clears throat]
Well, look who's here. Welcome to my world. You scared?
Giles
I'm remaining calm, thank you. I just wanted to, uh, return this. I found it among the new books and naturally, I though of you.
Giles
Uh, well, I'll-I'll see you anon.
Can't get out of here fast enough, can you?
Giles
Truthfully, I'm even less anxious to be around computers than I used to be.
Well, it was your book that started all the trouble, not a computer.
Giles
[sighs]
Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles
The smell.
Computers don't smell, Rupert.
Giles
I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is-is... it has no-no texture, no-no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible. It should be, um... smelly.
Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles
Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
That's not where I dangle it.
[Marc has tricked Giles into getting into a craftily disguised guillotine.]
Giles
Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
MMarc
No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles
What exactly is the trick?
What about the whole "it's a demon" theory?
Giles
I'm looking into that, but my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater.
Uh, priority check, Giles? (holding up her hands) Talent show, murder.
Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it!
Giles
Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on.
Giles
Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Giles
Is that why you're here? To see her?
I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles
A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.
[about the prophecy] Well, there's gotta be some way around it.
Giles
Listen, some prophecies are-are a bit dodgy. They're-they're mutable. Buffy herself has-has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass.
Then you're reading it wrong.
Giles
I wish to God I were. But it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.
(about the prophecy in which she will die) So that's it, huh? I remember the drill. One slayer dies, the next one's called. I wonder who she is. Will you train her? Or will they send someone else?
Giles
Buffy... I...
[wimpering] Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? [as Angel steps close to her] Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles
I was hoping I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
I've got a way around it. I quit.
I'm making it that simple. I quit. I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop The Master from taking over.
Giles
I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
[enraged, throwing books at Giles] The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Giles
I don't suppose I am
What do you know about this? You're never gonna die
You think I want anything to happen to you? You think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
I already did. I quit, remember. Pay attention!
Giles
Buffy, if the Master rises...
I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
Giles
The vampires?
Giles
Dead. The Hellmouth is closed. Buffy? Buffy?
Um, sorry. It's just... been a really weird day.
Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
Giles
I should've known that wouldn't stop you.
Giles
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd like to get out of this place. I don't like the library very much anymore.
Hey, I hear there's a dance at the Bronze tonight. Could be fun.
Sure. We saved the world. I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.
He's not going anywhere. Loser.
Giles
I'm not dancing, though.
We'll see. You can come with us, though.
So, what's the story with the car?
I'm really, really hungry.
By the way, I really like your dress.
Yeah, yeah. It's a big hit with everyone.
The first day back. It always gets me.
Giles
Yes.
I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Giles
I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?
[Giles sees Jenny and starts talking to her ignoring Snyder]
Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. You think they're thinking about learning? Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a bumbling idiot. I try to teach them the important things in life. Discipline. Respect. Punctuality. I might as well be talking to myself.
[Snyder doesn't notice that Giles has left]
Giles
Possessed?
That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
Giles
Possessed by what?
Giles
[sarcastically] Well, that narrows it down.
Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened.
That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles
Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
There's some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles
No actually that would be one of the five.
That summers girl, I smell trouble, I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail.
Giles
Well before you throw away the key you might consider giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may surprise you.
You really have faith in those kids don't you?
Giles
Yes I do.
What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat-- the stains.
I don't think I can face them.
Giles
Hmm? Of course you can.
I can't. What am I supposed to say? "Sorry I almost got your throats slit. What's the homework?"
Giles
Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school.
Giles
What are you gonna do, crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Giles
Buffy, you acted wrongly, I admid that, but believe me, that was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make. That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be.
Well, points for effort. I'll see you.
(digging in the grave yard as the girls watch) Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
Giles
(stopping, almost breathless) Hear, hear.
Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer · 894 quotes
