Denny Crane quotes from Boston Legal

Denny Crane

That may be, but still...

Shirley

So help me, if you say “It's still your name on the door”, I will shoot you with one of your own guns.

Shirley

Denny. You cheated on your wife at your own wedding reception in what has become some sort of cloakroom fetish-that is a new low, even for you.

Denny Crane

Yeah. It is, isn't it?

Denny Crane

Well. Are the rumors true? You have naked photos of Shirley? Awww, come on! What's the big deal? I've had naked photos of Shirley for years. [pulls out a stack of pictures to show Alan]

Alan

Denny? She's asleep in all of these.

Denny Crane

[Denny hands him another photo] Here's one where she woke up. Have you ever seen a beautiful naked woman look that angry?

Denny Crane

It's no use, Alan. Nothing interests me anymore.

Construction worker Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a bobby trap in his home to catch burglars. Miguel Quinones allegedly broke into Blayney's house and received a reported fifty thousand volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down. And leaving us all with the question: Russell Blayney: Victim or Vigilante?

Denny Crane

That case! I want that case.

Denny Crane

So? Who would you rather have as your attorney? Me? Or Hacky McGuilty Verdict here?

I've faced him before. You'd rather have him.

Denny Crane

Don't feel bad, son. It takes a big man to recognize a bigger man.

Denny Crane

Ah, Denise. Rodney King?

Rodney King. Uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago.

Denny Crane

See? You remember. Why? Branding! They didn't call him Rodney King: wifebeater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk. They called him Rodney King: a motorist, a motorist: Rodney King. Brings to mind images of a jaunty man riding hat in cap in a Model-T. That's what we want. Russell Blayney: American Homeowner. Not Russell Blayney: eats them broiled, baked or fried.

Alan

You know what I miss most about our country, Denny? Not the loss of our civil rights so much as our compassion, our soul, our humanity.

Denny Crane

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Soul, that's a religious thing. State... church... it's unconstitutional for the United States to have a soul.

Alan

Apparently. We seem to be becoming a mean people. Learned Hand once said, "Liberty lies in our hearts, and once it dies there, no constitution can save it."

Denny Crane

Just once, I wish you'd quote a Republican.

Alan Shore

"I want a kinder and gentler nation."

Denny

So whose ass did you have kicked?

Alan

Someone whose ass thoroughly deserved it.

Denny

Good! I can never understand why people don't use violence more often to solve their problems. Works every time.

Denny

Alan you know the one thing we sometimes forget is no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices were, how complex your ethical decisions...you always get to choose what you want for lunch.

Alan

Daily I am amazed at your inexhaustable ability to just live.

Denny

It's either that or die.

Denny

I hear you misplaced a client.

Alan

Not really. Like car keys and sunglasses, he'll show up somewhere.

Denny

I misplaced a client once.

Alan

Did they ever find him?

Denny

No, I made sure to ship him off to some country with no extradition. Practically a deserted island off the coast of South America. He sends me Feliz Cumpleanos cards every year.

Alan

That's thoughtful. Sounds like paradise actually. Living on an island. A much simpler life.

Denny

Especially if it's an island where the natives run around the beach with their boobies hanging out.

Denny

Does that mean you're back on the market?

Shirley

Denny, as far you're concerned I'm always on the market.

Denny

We know we don't deserve Shirley Schmidt. Just the possibility is enough to sustain us.

Shirley

You are a dear, sweet man. And I have something else that might sustain you. [whispers into his ear] Denny Crane.

I didn't shoot before Denny, but I will this time. I really will.

Denny

Sydney, I took you out once. Don't make me do it again.

With what?

Denny

This! [takes out his gun and fires]

Alan

You said you'd never so much as look at a gun again.

Denny

I never said I wouldn't shoot one.

I've had enough of all this! Mr. Crane, you had no excuse to be carrying a gun.

Denny

(To Judge Sanders) Second Amendment! Founding Fathers! You probably knew them.

Jibber Jabber!

Denny

Canada, Japan, England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.

Alan

God bless America.