“Race Ipsa” quotes from Boston Legal

I didn't shoot before Denny, but I will this time. I really will.

Denny

Sydney, I took you out once. Don't make me do it again.

With what?

Denny

This! [takes out his gun and fires]

Alan

You said you'd never so much as look at a gun again.

Denny

I never said I wouldn't shoot one.

I've had enough of all this! Mr. Crane, you had no excuse to be carrying a gun.

Denny

(To Judge Sanders) Second Amendment! Founding Fathers! You probably knew them.

Jibber Jabber!

What is this jibber jabber?

Alan

That wouldn't be jibber jabber, Your Honor, that's a gun.

Denny

Canada, Japan, England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.

Alan

God bless America.

I was wondering if I could join you and Denny on the balcony sometime. Just trying to diversify my life with some male bonding and I was wondering...you know.

Alan

Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I've never been much of a team player, so if you're going to show count me out. [pauses] Was there something specific you'd like to talk about?

Are you a good kisser?

I've had enough of all this. Mr. Crane, you've had no excuse to be carrying a gun.

Denny

2nd Amendment. Founding Fathers. You probably knew them.

Melissa

Don't fall for her, Alan. She's just a guest star.

Chelina

God, the last time I saw you...

Alan

I believe it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and...

Chelina

Here we are...with old footage.

(to Alan) I think I have enough probable cause, Mr. Shoup. The victim is in the hospital.

Alan

Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.