Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Brennan

[to Booth's brother Jared] It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.

Jared

[to Booth, aside] Is she coming on to me?

Booth

No, it's just the way she talks.

[having caught Booth in first class, reclining next to Brennan] Sir, you need to return to coach.

Booth

See, we're partners. We like being together.

Your sexual relationship is not relevant, sir. This is first class.

Brennan

Why does everyone always think we have a sexual relationship when we barely ever even touch each other?

Booth

Are you tired of working with me?

Brennan

No, it's not that. But the identification and analysis of ancient remains, that's why I became a forensic anthropologist.

Booth

You're bored. The spark is gone.

Brennan

I'm a scientist first.

Booth

Right. Yeah. A scientist first. I get it. I understand.

Brennan

Hey, if you get caught up here, does that make me an accessory?

Booth

[smiles] An accessory to an upgrade.

Booth

[sees Brennan wearing cats-eye glasses while examining remains] Bones. All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"

Brennan

[looks confused] Why?

Booth

Never mind.

Booth

You want to get off the plane to see those old Chinese bones. I'm sorry.

Brennan

It's not your fault.

Booth

Yes, it is. Because I'm the one who dragged you out of pure science and pulled you into murder-solving.

Brennan

That's not how I remember it.

Booth

Really?

Brennan

Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.

Booth

[smiles] Really?

Brennan

Yes. You didn't want to, remember? [smiles] This is all my fault.

Booth

Okay, what do we got?

Brennan

This one is a portion of the sacrum. It's definitely human. There's char marks. [sniffs the bone]

Booth

Oh, God. You know I hate when you sniff and smell dead things!

Booth

Your dad works here now?

Brennan

Not my idea.

She wants me to fire him.

Booth

Why?

Brennan

This is a crime lab! My father is a bank robber and an accused murderer!

Booth's killed more people than Max has and he works here.

Booth

Don't bring that up! Why did you have to bring that up?!

Max

Are you sleeping with my daughter?

Booth

No.

Max

Why? Are you gay?

Booth

[half-laughing] No.

Max

Is she not attractive enough?

Booth

[somewhat angry] Bones is beautiful.

Max

Is it because of me? Because I killed one man and we both know he deserved it?

Booth

All right, just cut it out, Max, all right? I'll talk to her. Probably ain't gonna get anywhere with her, but I'll talk to her.

Max

You're a good man, and I want that for her. Now, I gotta go blow up some soda for some kids.

Booth

Don't fire Max. You know, let him keep his job. He's a teacher, not a janitor.

Brennan

I can't overlook the sanctity of the forensic lab, Booth.

Booth

Yeah. Maybe you can overlook it for me.

Brennan

For you?

Booth

Yeah. Personal favor.

Brennan

Like a partner thing?

Booth

[smiles] Partner thing.

Brennan

[smiles] I know you, Booth. You're trying to do me a favor by telling me it's a favor for you.

How do you think they died?

They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.

Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.

Booth

Twins conjoined at the ass!

Oh, they are definitely from Texas.

Sweets

Um...Can I offer you a piece of advice?

Booth

Well, that's why we called you, Sweets...

Dr. Sweets

Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.

Brennan

Okay, thanks, Sweets. [she hangs up]

Booth

So, uh, sex, right?

Brennan

Uh, good idea.

Booth

'Kay.

Brennan

Okay, well I think what we need to do is get a syncopated rhythm going, that takes advantage of the natural frequency of the springs...

Booth

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, are you this spontaneous during real sex?

Brennan

Yes, I am.

How do you think they died?

They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.

Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.

Brennan

That wouldn't show up in the bones.

Booth

No clothing....

Brennan

Might have blown away.

Maybe a young couple? Some sort of suicide pact?

Brennan

Sub-pubic angle suggest two females.

Oh. Lesbian suicide pact.

Definitely Texans then.

Brennan

The victims are Pygopagus, or some would say Illeopagus

Booth

What's that?

Greek?

Brennan

Conjoined twins

What's that?

Siamese twins

Brennan

The point of attachment is posterior.

Booth

Joined at the ass.

[laughs] Definitely Texans!

Brennan

Booth. Booth!

Booth

[who has just come to after hitting his head] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?

Brennan

I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.

Brennan

Agent Perotta, she really enjoyed working with us.

Booth

Yeah.

Brennan

But you're the only FBI agent I want to work with.