Goodman quotes from Bones

Goodman

[to Brennan] Come on, now, you have partially-digested, dismembered skeletal remains to examine. That should put a smile on your face.

Goodman

I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets.

Zack

An asset is, by definition, property.

Goodman

What's the rule, Mr. Addy?

Zack

You only converse with PhDs. You do realize I'm halfway through two doctorates. Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking...

Goodman

Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.

Goodman

It's time to live a little, Temperance. Connect with other people.

Brennan

Are you suggesting that I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?

Goodman

Good God! Where's Dr. Freud when you need him?

Dr. Goodman

This one is for spirit, the heart... this one for knowledge... and this is for courage.

Angela

So, we're looking for, maybe, a scarecrow, tin man, or a lion?

Goodman

When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena, a Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.

Brennan

You're not going to fire us if we don't go.

Goodman

No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.

Zack

The shuttle smells like feet.

Zack

What do we talk about?

Goodman

Your work, of course.

Angela

Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs.

Hodgins

Leave me out of it, I am not going.

Dr. Goodman

And how do you see your job?

Angela

I draw death masks.

Goodman

Is that really how you see it?

Angela

Don't you?

Goodman

You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro! You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body! You give victims back their faces! Their identities! You remind us all of why we're here in the first place! Because we treasure human life!

Goodman

Oh for God's sake.

Brennan

What happened?

Zack

Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

Angela

[amused] Did you just give Zack and Hodgins a sign of encouragement?

Booth

You know what, that's the first time I've been able to look at them without imagining knocking their heads together.

Goodman

[smiles] Agent Booth, you're accessing your inner squint.

Brennan

The jury likes Michael better than they like me, apparently that's a problem. Are they stupid? Because they seem to be.

Goodman

Compared to you, yes, they are stupid. However, compared to you most of the world is a little stupid. You have many skills Temperance, not one of them includes communicating with the average person on the street which is exactly what juries are made of.

Brennan

I'm a better forensic anthropologist than Michael Stiers.

Goodman

Which is why two years ago I hired you instead of him.

Brennan

Michael applied for this job?

Goodman

Yes.

Brennan

His credentials are better than mine.

Goodman

Yes, but you are the more rational, reasoned empirical scientist and you care and if he tries to convince you otherwise, tell him to go to hell.

Booth

Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.

Brennan

Well, who besides you?

Goodman

That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.

Angela

I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.

Hodgins

Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn't mean God doesn't love me.

Zack

Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.

Zack

I could build a random generator.

Goodman

Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?

Hodgins

All right, I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.

Goodman

Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?

Hodgins

Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.

Zack

Six.

Hodgins

There is no six!

Goodman

A through E and 1 through 5?

Zack

Six!

Hodgins

There is no six!

Booth

(holding out a jar with names in it) Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.

Goodman

Oh. That could work.

Goodman

His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior. Yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?

Zack

Looks like tuberculosis.

Goodman

A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.

Hodgins

Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Pickering

Didn't I see you on television this morning, Dr. Brennan?

Brennan

How could I possibly know what you watched on television?

Pickering

Yes, that was her.

Goodman

Perhaps you should work your way up to Dr. Brennan.

Goodman

All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on their page.

Booth

You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.

Brennan

[to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.

Goodman

Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.

Brennan

Such as?

Goodman

Such as, archeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.

Angela

Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.

Booth

Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.

Angela

Yeah.

Goodman

Oh My God!

Angela

[to Hodgins] Aren't you gonna go after him?

Hodgins

Nope!

Angela

Why not?

Hodgins

Because he is now officially in charge of that medallion.

Booth

Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.

Goodman

That's very good! Very good. [laughs]

Booth

Right. [laughs]

Brennan

What? What's the joke?

Booth

Clue?

Brennan

What clue? [Booth and Goodman laugh] What clue?

Booth

Unbelievable, Bones.

Angela

What's funny?

Brennan

I have no idea.