Caroline Julian quotes from Bones

Caroline

Listen up, you people. The verdict is gonna come down any minute. Maybe we'll win. Maybe we'll lose. But this I do know, you people have got to get your sand together, you hear me? Booth and you scientist-android-brainiacs, you got somethin' very special here. But you are losing it. [to Booth] Dropping serial killers off of balconies. And [to Angela] blabbing suspect's names to vengeful fathers. [to Cam] Cuttin' into heads before their times, gettin' poisoned. [to Zack] Gettin' blown up because you go grabbin' things you shouldn't have. [to Hodgins] Taking photographs from frames. [back to Booth] Getting a perfectly good car smashed to bits for NO good reason. [to all] Get it together! Start using your over-sized heads! This is the real world. Now, I know bug man here handed in his resignation. My official Justice Department recommendation is the following: we win the case, he gets his job back; we lose, Booth shoots him.

Caroline

[to Booth] Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [to Hodgins]] No badges saying "Resist authority" or "The truth is out there." [to Zack] Do not cut your own hair the day before the trial. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Caroline

[after Perotta defends Hodgins and Wendell] You've been taken hostage by the squints, Agent Perotta.

Caroline

Why is that man wearing an Easter egg on his head?

Caroline

This set of orders was passed down through channels that even the Almighty Himself would need an atlas and a double-shot of bourbon to navigate!

Caroline

[frustrated at a journalist] I have a whole bunch of comments and they all have four letters!

Caroline

[at Pelant's parole hearing] This isn't a court of law. We don't need proof. That's why I like it.

Caroline Julian

[to the "squints"] Pelant thinks he's smarter than all of us, which might be true but he's not smarter than all of us put together.

Caroline Julian

My boss doesn't like this one. Federal programs paying for cannibalism isn't sitting pretty on Capitol Hill.

[to Booth] You found a prosecutor to defend her? Interesting tactic.

Brennan

I've told Detective Harding everything I know so far-

Caroline

She's a fool!? [to Booth] You didn't tell me she's a fool!

Booth

No, she's a a brilliant forensic anthropologist.

Brennan

Wa..I have three degrees. I-I've pioneered in research-

Caroline

What's that? [pointing to the evidence]

Brennan

A gris-gris bag, I find it in my hotel- [tries to hold evidence but Detective Harding took it away] -room. I'm assuming the person who left it there was trying to frame me, so the tooth is..probably Graham's.

Caroline

Three degrees and still a fool!

Caroline

I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.

Brennan

Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?

Booth

And they put a forgetting spell on her!

Brennan

Booth!

Caroline

Hey, I can work with that. This N'awlins, baby.

[to Caroline] Damn lawyers! Working in the case for 30 years, and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call? [Caroline walking away] HEY!I'm talking to you!

Caroline

No!You're yelling at me, and my ears are starting to ring. Now, I'm sorry that after 40 years as an agent for the FBI, you're still a LITTLE girl. But I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how about ye' stop whining...and help, okay cherie?

Brennan

No, Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.

Caroline

I didn't hear that.

Brennan

[Loudly] Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital!

Caroline

Do I have this straight? You're a genius, an honest-to-goodness dyed-in-the-wool genius?

Brennan

Yes.

Caroline

Dr. Brennan, I like you, on and off. But your brother is a material witness in my murder case. I cannot recommend that he be set free.

Brennan

Please.

Caroline

Oh, well, now that you said please.

Brennan

Are you being sarcastic?

Caroline

Yes!

Caroline

I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.

Brennan

Kiss Booth?

Caroline

That's right, cherie.

Brennan

Why?

Caroline

Because it will amuse me.

Brennan

Why?

Caroline

Because the two of you are all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.

Brennan

Puckish?

Caroline

What's the matter? You don't think I can be puckish?

Brennan

I never thought about it until now.

Caroline

You want me to write that letter, you kiss Booth, on the lips, for [counting] one steamboat, two steamboats...five steamboats.

Brennan

That's blackmail!

Caroline

That's correct.

Brennan

That's unethical.

Caroline

That's the deal, cherie. Take it or leave it.