Colin Fisher quotes from Bones

Fisher

The only difference between "try" and "triumph" is a little "umph".

Fisher

My mom puts motivational sayings up on the fridge. Oh God, she's destroying me. [walks out]

Fisher

[pulls the corpse off Seth] It is with great pleasure that I divorce these skulls.

Fisher

I don't do jokes, Dr. Saroyan. I do raw, unfiltered honesty.

Fisher

[to Hodgins] Sometimes the looney bin is the right place to be, and I was grateful for it. [...] Sometimes people look at you in there like you’d done something wrong rather than just having a disease.

Fisher

Well, I'm afraid it's classified. But what I can tell you is that I travel extensively, and I'm always surrounded by young, nubile women.

Any leads on who she is?

Fisher

The hot chick is doing a sketch from the few pieces of skull I could locate and reconstruct.

Hot chick?

Fisher

Sorry. The other hot chick.

Fisher

I should have found that earlier. [sighs] Dr. Brennan's gonna fire me, isn't she? I guess, while I was trying to see the metaphorical sun I totally forgot that the chances of survival in an unfriendly cosmos––

Have you considered Prozac, Mr. Fisher?

Fisher

Already on it.

Then double your dose 'cause you're bringing me down. And that's hard to do 'cause I've worked with death for years and you are making it all look like good times now, so get it together, ok, Eeyore?

Hodgins

[notices Fisher looking depressed] What's with the long face there, "sunshine"?

[to Hodgins] Mr. Fisher just broke up with his girlfriend and he's feeling a little down. [Fisher is sighing and groaning at the side]

Hodgins

What about me? My girlfriend and I broke up and I gotta see her at work everyday.

Fisher

Well, obviously it hasn't blackened your soul like it has mine.

Hodgins

There was some light charring.

Fisher

I'm dead inside.

Hodgins

Ok. You win. Happy?

Fisher

[looks up at Hodgins] Not that I can ever remember.

Fisher, have you ever just taken a moment to forget yourself, watch like The Three Stooges and just laugh?

Fisher

Yeah, I never found humor in grown men giving each other concussions with construction equipment.

[To Hodgins] I try.

Wendell

Zack screamed when he saw the body so he's off the hook, right?

Zack

Yelped!

Fisher

He screamed like slutty girl #1 on a teen horror flick.

Fisher

He was beaten and stabbed. Somebody really went after this guy.

Those injuries didn't kill him. There's grease in all levels of the bronchi, which means our victim was alive when he was tossed into the vat. Cause of death is drowning and cooking, or vice versa.

Fisher

Saturated fats; they're a killer.

Fisher

There's a lip here. I'm thinking a smooth, rounded edge.

Hodgins

Okay, Sweets said he had an appointment he can't miss, so --

Fisher

Follow me on this. The mailman is delivering his package to the "lady of the house", if you catch my drift. The husband comes home, finds the nearest blunt instrument, which is a cast iron frying pan. And WHAM! The postman who rang twice never rang again.

Hodgins

Yeah, yeah, that totally works. If the husband is a peacock wrangler who fights crickets after work in a creeping red Fescue field.

Fisher

Peacock?

Hodgins

Yeah, what I thought was silk turns out to be the thread from the after feather of a peacock.

Fisher

You and your particulates always ruining the day for me.

Angela

What's with the blue people?

The Na'vi.

Angela

I beg your pardon?

Fisher

Denizens of a lush planet called Pandora.

Angela

[walks in front of the monitor] You boys are not allowed to watch movies on my monitor.

Hodgins

Angela, this is so much more than a movie.

Sweets

Yeah, I mean we're sorry but the screen is so big!

Fisher

You got porn on this thing?

Angela

[unimpressed] Get out. Out!

Hodgins

What kind of freak feels nostalgic over human sacrifice?

Fisher

I'm gonna go ahead and plead the fifth on that.

Fisher

9/11 was a trauma to us all - not like this guy or the people who died that day. But it still changed us, right? A-and we act like it doesn't matter. Clearly Wendell is freaking out and you ... [motions to Arastoo] you went nuts earlier. The first rule of the looney bin is to get it all out in the open. So, that's what we're going to do, alright? I'll go: I was in High School. It was my Senior Year. I was [chuckles] breaking into my history teacher's desk to steal a test I hadn't studied for and he walked in. He was crying. He couldn't care less what I was doing. That's when I found out. So I ... I talked with him. I had a stolen test in my hand, and we both sat...and we cried. Next? Oh, c'mon!

Clark

I was working. It was, uh, before school - coffee shop. Everyone was just staring at the TV. No one said a word. The cook came out to watch with the rest of us. I still remember the smell of food burning on that grill.

Finn

I was nine. I got in the way of my stepfather hitting my mama... he stuck me with some scissors. My mama wanted to take me to the hospital, but my hurt didn't seem like nothin' when we heard what had happened.

Arastoo

I was at morning prayers. I didn't believe that day. I didn't believe in anything.

Fisher

Wendell?

Wendell

I was, uh, with my aunt ... from that morning until the next few days. My uncle was a firefighter in New York. He never came home.