Aubrey quotes from Bones

Aubrey

[in Booth's home, sees Christine on the couch] Aww, that is adorable. I gotta get one of those.

Aubrey

Socks, they're like Social Security numbers and diapers. Should only have one owner.

Aubrey

Unlike Booth, I am an equal opportunity accuser. See, I don't care about sex, age...just motive and opportunity.

Aubrey

[to his father] Don't ever take credit for how I turned out, okay? Any good in me was despite having you as a father.

Aubrey

[discussing a suspect] He does have a record though. Two DUI's. One arrest for hunting deer without a license while intoxicated.

Booth

Great. So drunk, armed and dangerous.

Booth

Never ever underestimate a squint. I've seen them solve a crime with two fingers and a bottle cap.

Aubrey

[to himself] And I thought I was smart. [looks at Booth] I mean, I am but not that way.

Booth

Aubrey, what do you remember about your kindergarten experience?

Aubrey

[stunned with Booth's sudden change of topic] Woah, woah, you really don't trust me if my background check's going that far...

Aubrey

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life––

Booth

[glares at Aubrey] Aubrey.

Aubrey

[sheepishly] But it does not compare with my daily service to my country.

Booth

[flashes badge] FBI! Take a break, huh?

I don't care who you are. We're in the middle of something here. Get off my stage.

Aubrey

[shakes head] I don't think he understands.

Booth

[smirks] He doesn't understand.

Aubrey

Ok. [snaps fingers] Hi, we're from the FBI.

Oh, you're from some sort of cop game? [Booth and Aubrey look at each in bemusement] Then you should know about ruining an entire sequence. Now get off my stage before I make you.

Booth

Ok, you just need to relax there, Mr. Light-Bright, ok? We have permission to be here...ok? I'm Special Agent Booth.

Now watch it...

Booth

[looks at Aubrey] He doesn't understand!

That was a big mistake buddy.

Booth

Ok...that was a bigger mistake. [stretches shoulder] Shoulders hurt...the rotator cuff. [to Aubrey] You wanna get this one?

Aubrey

Sure!

Booth

Look at that, we restrained a manotaur.

Aubrey

Minotaur.

Booth

Whatever.

Aubrey

[to reporters gathered outside the room (crime scene)] All right everybody, listen up! I know these are all forensic super experts but today you have to stay on the other side of the yellow tape!

Booth

You still love being the G-Man?

Aubrey

[sighs in frustration] It's like security at a Beyoncé concert!

Aubrey

We have to look at you just like we would any other person of interest.

Hodgins

This is unbelievable. This is the third time I've been a murder suspect! It makes me wanna kill someone so you won't waste your time.

Hodgins

[realizes what he said] It's a joke. I was joking.

Booth

Listen, I know what it's like to be innocent and have a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence stacked against you.

Hodgins

Thank you, Booth.

Aubrey

[to Hodgins] I really do think you're a good guy.

Hodgins

Yeah, great. [leaves]

Aubrey

[calls after Hodgins] So please don't be the killer!

Conventions usually devolve into carnivals of indiscretion anytime. The ringmaster fell victim to its hedonistic pleasures.

Aubrey

So you cheated on your wife, now you've turned it into a poem. That's great.

This is an old house. It creaks.

Aubrey

Guess it's got a cough too.

Aubrey

One more thing, an apology... I guess. I was sort of ass-like.

Booth

Because you were looking at other people's pain for what it could do for your own career.

Aubrey

[nods] Yeah. [Booth looks at him pointedly] But once I saw those women, thought about Min-Yan's life and how she died...

Booth

Ass.

Aubrey

Yeah. Won't happen again.

Booth

[sarcastically] Right. Yes, it will. But what you have here is a good start so, good boy. [smirks]

Aubrey

Ok...it's gonna sound like you were treating me like a dog.

Booth

Aubrey, I don't have a bone I could throw at the front door here so let's go. [leaves]

Aubrey

That was very insulting, even to an ass.