Lance Sweets quotes from Bones

Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me. You have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific. So back off.

Sweets

Just trying to help.

By questioning his humanity?

Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid, right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.

Sweets

Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?

We're partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.

Sweets

And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?

Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.

Sweets

You have a very deep connection to each other. That was obvious, even from my superficial observations and standardized questionnaire. You complement each other.

No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?

"Complement," not "compliment." "Ple." He means that we complete each other... uh... as a team.

Yeah, right.

I'm sensing a but.

Sweets

However...

Same as a but...

Sweets

[doggedly continuing] I have observed some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Issues?

Sweets

Yes, there's clearly a very deep emotional attachment between you two.

We're just partners.

Sweets

And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?

'Cause you're 12.

Don't read into anything that Booth said. We're professionals. There's a line that doesn't even need to be there.

Not at all. I mean, if there were no more murders, I would probably not even see her.

That's very true.

We might have coffee.

Probably not.

What, you wouldn't even have coffee with me? [He's obviously hurt, Sweets is temporarily forgotten as he and Brennan lean towards each other to finish the conversation.]

Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other, because there are no murders.

Were, I said, no more murders.

Then fine, we could have coffee. So that's the extent of our relationship, coffee?

[Solid, now that he and Brennan have talked.] So, let's move on, Sweets.

Sweets

[Nods, but there's a tiny smile on his face from watching Booth and Brennan talk.]

S3 E4 The Secret in the Soil

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My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.

Sweets

That's interesting.

No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.

S3 E8 The Knight on the Grid

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Sweets

It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.

Did you just Star Wars us?

S3 E8 The Knight on the Grid

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Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.

I'm being misquoted.

Sweets

Booth is absolutely right.

She got the gist.

Sweets

There is a fictional element to Christmas.

You mean the whole "birth of a Savior" rigmarole?

It is not rigmarole!

Sweets

No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults--

Are you including you in that?

Sweets

As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.

Okay.

Okay?

I found that very helpful.

That's what I've been saying the last four days!

S3 E9 The Santa in the Slush

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What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mud bath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know--

Anus.

Bones!

What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?

Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know--

The anus.

You really like that word, don't you?

Sweets

Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?

Well, it's better than talking about, you know--

Sweets

The anus?

What is it with you two?

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Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

She's funny.

I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Oh.

You look in their eyes and you can see their little souls. It's in every part of their coloring.

Fish don't have souls.

Sweets

[obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're pretty.

[starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] What I meant was, we're all made up of the same stuff; that makes us human.

Well, on a quantum level, that's true. Although the word "stuff" is not accurate.

[To Sweets] See?

Sweets

[shocked] O-okay.

He kills about a million people a night!

Sweets

In a video game.

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Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

She's funny.

I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Oh.

It's their eyes. You can tell so much from eyes.

Well in humans a retinal scan is as specific as a fingerprint.

No, no, their souls. You can see their little souls.

I don't understand. You believe that fish have souls?

Yes, you can see it in their coloring. It's... it's a reflection of who they are.

Their coloring has developed over millenniums as a way to deal with predators.

Sweets

[obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're beautiful.

[starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] I mean they have souls.

Sweets

Okay.

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No. It's just... I meant... I believe that all creatures: people, fish, dogs, we're all connected. We all share the same stuff that makes life beautiful and precious.

On a quantum levels that's true. Although the word stuff is not accurate.

See?

Sweets

What? I have great respect for your fish. Admittedly, I might relate to other things more.

He kills about a thousand people a night.

Sweets

Yeah, in a video game.