Whoa! He's gonna get some 'cause he's "Weird Al."
Yeah. If you're famous, all you have to do is just walk up to chicks and say, "Give me some."
Yeah.
Stray Cats, "Rock This Town
Superchunk, "Package Thief
These guys aren't even playing their instruments.
Yeah, yeah. Their fingers aren't even moving. What a bunch of fartknockers!
You mean fakers, Beavis.
Um, yeah, they're fakers, but like, they're fartknockers, too.
Is this, like, about the mail?
Yeah, I think so. Where does the mail go?
I think it, like, goes down into these pipes underground.
Oh, really? Then where does it go?
I think it, like, goes to the North Pole. And then they, like, put a stamp on it, and then it goes back to your house.
Really? Thanks, Butt-head. You're interesting.
Sweaty Nipples, "Demon Juice
[an empty beer bottle is shown with cigarette butts inside]
Uh, are those butts in that bottle?
Ummm...
Did you know that, like, every time someone smokes a cigarette down to the end, it's like, kissing a butt?
Oh yeah. That's cool.
Uh...you know what, Beavis?
Um, no, what?
I don't really feel like watching this right now.
Yeah, maybe we should, you know, like, try watching it again later.
Yeah, I thought of that, too.
Uh huh.
You know, if it's on.
I understand, yeah.
But if it's not on...
M hm?
...who gives a rat's ass?
Yeah. [changes channel to the video "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and RuPaul]
SZA, "Kill Bill
[the video starts with a SZA reading a letter in a trailer]
MVMale Voiceover
I wish it didn't have to be this way. I really do. But sometimes in life, we have to protect our own heart, even if it means ripping it out of our chest.
[the trailer is suddenly shot at by multiple people from the outside]
Yes!
Ooooh, yeah! Hell yeah!
That's how we do it around here!
Yeah! America! Yeah!
[SZA emerges from the trailer as the shooting stops]
I bet we could do better than those guys. We should become hitmen.
Yeah yeah, really! That's a good idea, yeah! How do you become a hitman though? Oh, I know! Maybe I'll ask at the unemployment office! Yeah! See if they have any hitman jobs, you know?
Uh, sure. Can't hurt to ask.
You know, at my last job interview, the guy asked me to stop jiggling my leg, and I said "Shut up or I'm gonna kill you!" But see, this time, on this job interview, that might get me the job, see?
I'll tell you something, if I was a hitman, I would be the model of professionalism. AndI would even clean the grease traps if they wanted me to, you know?
Uh, there aren't any grease traps when you're a hitman, dumbass.
Yeah, there are. They're on the grill.
You're thinking of Burger World.
Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, but, you know, I could do all my hits in Burger World, you know? Mix business with pleasure, you know? Oh, you knot what else? If I ran out of bullets or something, I'd give them like a triple cheeseburger, with a side of macho fries, and then they'd just die of heart disease, you know? I got time.
Also like, if you're a hitman, and you didn't wanna come into work one day, 'cause like, it was the weekend, you could just say your grandma died, and then if they said they were gonna go check, you could just kill her.
Oh yeah- wait a second... no, I don't like that, Butt-head. That's messed up. You said you have to work on weekends as a hitman?
Uh, I think you have to with whenever someone needs killin'.
Eh... this just might not work out. It was a beautiful dream...
T'Pau, "Heart and Soul
The more things change, the more they suck.
This is a play on the phrase, "The more things change, the more they stay the same," coined by French critic, journalist, and novelist Alphonse Karr.
Tank feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Trey Songz, "When We (Remix)
[the video begins at a mechanic's auto body shop with Tank, Ty, and Trey wearing clean mechanics uniform, and girls posing intimately around them]
Boy, their mechanic uniforms are clean.
Yeah, they're usually all covered with like grease, and oil, and stuff. It's probably because it's just, they're not fixing any cars, they're just like, doing it with girls.
"Here at TT&T Auto, we won't fix your car, but we will have sex with your women."
"That's the TT&T guarantee."
"If we don't score with your women, your repair is free."
Yeah. "Our satisfaction is guaranteed."
Tesla, "Call It What You Want
[the two are sleeping at the start of the video]
Ughh!
What, what? I feel asleep there. Yeah. What is this?
Uhhh, I think it's Jackyl.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Rob Thomas, "One Less Day (Dying Young)
[the video starts with random people being shown]
RTRob Thomas
I'm not afraid of getting older, I'm one less day...
Is this one of those videos where they show everyone who died during the year?
Uhhh, oh yeah. I think it is. It's like, one of those "In Memor-bab- Memorat-torium."
So all these people did this year? [Rob Thomas is shown] Whoa, I thought that guy died years ago! Wow.
Uhhh, he might as well have.
He's kind of looks like that room-mom, you know, in kindergarten that used to give like, juice boxes to everybody.
He drives a Subaru. [chortles]
How come there's all this fire around them?
I think that means that all these people went to Hell.
Oh, yeah yeah. Well, good for them. You know, I've heard good things about Hell, you know?
Yeah. I've heard they have fornication.
Yeah yeah, and fire too, yeah!
Fornication and fire.
Yeah yeah, it's like a Benihana's down there.
You know, Butt-head, I'm always afraid I'll see one of these, and then I'll see myself, and that's how I'll find out. And I'll be like, "Wait a second, I must have died this year!"
Don't worry, Beavis. You'll never be in one of these. No one will notice when you die.
Shut up, Butt-head!
You could be dead right now, and I would not know or care.
Shut up, Butt-head! You're freaking me out, come on.
I'd just step right over you.
Shut up, Butt-head!
You'll be in the section of the show called "Good Riddance."
George Thorogood, "Bad to the Bone
Hey, Beavis. This song is about a boner.
Oh yeah, yeah. It's about a bad boner, isn't it?
There's no such thing as a bad boner, Beavis.
Oh yeah, yeah. Um...no, wait a minute, Butt-head, I had a bad boner once. That's when I had the chicken pox, and I had my hands duct taped. That sucked.
Oh yeah. I'm sorry. I stand corrected.
Hey, Butt-head. Sometimes when I play pool, like, when nobody's looking, I like to take that blue chalk, and like, like, chalk up the end of my wiener. It's pretty cool!
Yeah! That's cool! Doesn't that, like, hurt, though?
Yeah, but, you know, no pain, no gain.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.