TV show quotes
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood...
Hey, Butt-head. What does "Dr. Feelgood" mean?
That's, like, when the doctor makes you cough, and he puts his fingers on your nads.
Yeah. That's cool.
Oh yeah? You don't have a female doctor, do you, Beavis?
This video has fire, and cars...
Yeah. And tattoos, and leather.
Now all it needs is some chicks. Then it would be cool.
Yeah.
[Tommy Lee kicks a flaming drum]
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Cool!
This isn't as cool as Scarface.
Yeah.
[a mouth is shown behind an open zipper]
Whoa! There's, like, a mouth in those pants!
Yeah. I think it's your mom.
Really? I don't think that's her, Butt-head.
Well, your mom's a road slut.
Yeah, but not with Mötley Crüe. She like, hangs out with bands like Foghat and stuff.
She's a slut.
Yeah. My mom's a slut!
Is that that Howard Stern dude singing?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! That's that dude with the tiny wiener!
Hooligan's holiday...
Bennigan's holiday?
Yeah. I thought they were open all the time.
Yeah. Someday, like, when I have a lot of money, I'm gonna go eat at Bennigan's.
Yeah, yeah. That would be cool. I heard they got, like, chicks in referee outfits.
She came in like a lightning strike, rode out like thunder on the pla-a-ains..
"Rode out like thunder on a plaaaay-aaaa-aaaaiiiiizzzz..."
What kind of music is this?
Uhh, this is like, country and wusstern.
[as the video shows a lot of landscapes around the plains]
Seeing this video makes me wanna just like, pave this entire place and put a giant parking lot on it.
Yeah yeah! Maybe some strip malls, or, you know what would be really good is like, a stadium to cover up those mountains. Just such a waste of space!
Yeah. And also, like, this makes me wanna pull up next to that horse in a giant SUV with the bass pumped up really loud.
Yeah, yeah! Where's your open air now, huh? [imitates loud bass]
"Oh I'm sorry, did I give your horse asthma? Must be all the exhaust. Let me rev the engine a little more." The outdoors sucks.
Yeah yeah! I'm glad mankind kicked its ass!
[as Ian puts a cowboy hat on a cross grave]
This dude's like, "Uh, you know what you need, Jesus? You need my hat on top of your cross."
"Yeah yeah, that looks better."
"You're an honorary cowboy now, Jesus."
I can't remember. What kind of hat does Jesus usually wear? He's got like a beret, or like a headband, or something?
It's like, a crown made out of barbed wire or something.
Oh yeah, that's pretty metal.
That's nothing. You should hear how he died. Now that's really metal.
Oh wow. Well, I hope those priests don't find out about it. They do not like the metal.
[the video opens on an extreme close-up of someone's eye superimposed over the video]
Uhh...well, there's a big eyeball.
Yeah, they need more big eyeballs in videos, like a big pile of eyeballs.
Yeah. What is all this stuff?
Yeah, really. It's like, they're running through the grass, and then there's like, a house.
Yeah. Whatever happened to chicks with big thingies and cleavage and stuff like that?
Yeah. Seems like they don't do that anymore.
These guys need to spend more time with sluts.
Yeah, yeah. These guys aren't filthy enough.
Whoa, are there like two lead singers for this band?
Uh, yeah. So what?
Yeah but it's like, there's this dude, like, in overalls, and then there's this other dude.
So what, Beavis?
I dunno, I just thought like, y'know, if there's two lead singers, it's like, y'know, that's something.
Hey, somebody's talking.
Yeah, yeah, what is that? I hate it when people talk over videos.
Yeah, there's some guy going...[mutters incoherent gibberish]
Yeah, at least if they're gonna talk, like, break something and like, y'know, just do something.
Either follow or lead or get off the pot.
Yeah, really. Get off the toilet!
These guys are like a cross between like, Stone Temple Pilots and like, just a bunch of regular guys.
Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like they're a cross between the Stone Temple Pilots and those dudes on Hee Haw.
Oh yeah. [sings] You met another and...[farts] ...you was gone.
That was pretty good, Butt-head.
[a man's cheeks are shown flapping]
Whoa! Did you see that guy's cheeks?
Yeah, yeah! That was cool. I've seen that, like, in a bunch of other videos, too. I can get my cheeks to do that, like, if I eat a lot of peas.
No way, Beavis, I've never seen you do that!
No, I'm talking about my buttcheeks.
Yeah!
Yeah.
They should put that in every video.
Yeah. Yeah. That would be cool!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
