The prostitution rests!
Yeah! Change it! Change it, quick!
Reba McEntire, "Take It Back
Megadeth, "Sweating Bullets
See also: Megadeth, "99 Ways To Die", The Beavis and Butt-head Experience (Geffen Records, 3 November 1993), tr. 4.
The Meices, "Daddy's Gone to California
[video opens with Ron Jeremy driving a convertible]
Um...uh, hey, this guy looks familiar. Um...whoa, that's that guy! Remember when we saw those naked movies at your uncle's house? That's the guy that was in 'em, right there!
Uhh...how do you know, Beavis?
I recognize him, that's him! That's the guy that was in those naked movies, remember? It's like, he had his schlong and he was, like, you know, like, doing that, um...you know, something...
You were looking at that guy's face when there was all that porn action going on?
Well, you were probably looking at his wiener. Dumbass.
No, I wasn't. I was looking, like, around his wiener.
Oh yeah.
So like, I guess he's, like, in a band or something?
No. This band probably just, like, keeps him around 'cause he can get chicks.
Oh yeah. How come that guy gets to be in naked movies? He's just, like, a big, fat, ugly slob.
Yeah! Well...you're almost there, Beavis, all you need to do is just, like, get fat.
Really? Um, how do I get big and fat?
Uhh...I don't know.
I'm getting sick and tired of dudes who sing like this.
Yeah, it's like, it's like, almost every damn video you see has, like, some guy singing like this.
Yeah. It's like, he's trying to be alternative.
Um...yeah, yeah. Yeah, y - y - yeah, something like that, yeah.
And it sucks!
John Cougar Mellencamp, "Pop Singer
Heh, this is that guy with all those last names.
Kids
Butt-head, that kid has the exact same shorts and shoes that you do.
Uh, oh yeah. He looks cool! He should get like a gray t-shirt with AC/DC on it, then he would kick ass.
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "Detroit Rock City
Okay, here we go, another video. Line 'em up.
Yeah!
[a car peels out]
Yeah, peel out! Burn rubber, yeah! Tear aaassssss!
[two young men with long hair go inside a house]
Yeah yeah, fight! Fight! Fight!
Yeah, hit him!
[a pumpkin is shown on their doorstep]
Kick the pumpkin! Check it out, these hippies are gonna smash the pumpkin.
Uh, no. Hippies never break stuff.
Um, what about that Gallagher dude?
Oh yeah. He's, like, really irritating, and he's not very funny.
Yeah yeah, really.
But then it's pretty cool because he starts smashing stuff.
Yeah, it's like, you have to sit through all this stuff that doesn't make any sense, and it's like, he starts breaking stuff and, like, throwing stuff at the audience.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[the young men start vandalizing vehicles]
Uh...that's good, shaving cream on the van.
Yeah. Throwing eggs, very nice. M hm.
[the young men throw rolls of toilet paper over a tree]
It's like, I don't understand toilet papering someone's house. It's like, you're just doing 'em a favor.
Yeah, really. I wish someone would toilet paper my house. I've been wiping my butt with newspaper for about a month!
Yeah. I've been using this washcloth.
Oh yeah, yeah, I've been using that same washcloth, yeah.
Nicki Minaj, "Barbie Tingz
[as Nicki Minaj dances while attached to puppet strings]
Uh. I think she's supposed to be, like, Pinocchio, but when she lies, her butt grows bigger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's been doing a whole lotta lying, you know what I'm saying? I wish when I lied, my schlong would grow bigger, because then I'd like, "Hey baby, I have a gigantic schlong," and I'd be lying, but then my schlong would get bigger, because I'm lying, see? And then it would be true though, so I don't know if it shrinks again, or I don't know how that works, you know? I don't know what the Pinocchio rules are. Yeah, maybe it would just like start growing and shrinking back and forth, you know, because it grows and then I'm not lying, and then it shrinks and then I'm lying, so it goes back and forth, it's kinda going boi-oing-oing-g-oing-g-oing-boing-boing-boing, and then I wouldn't even need the chick, you know? I could just have my schlong do all the work, and I wouldn't need my hands either! I could go eat lunch or something, you know? Go about my business. Maybe take up a new hobby, you know like, uh like um, I don't know, like spanking my- oh, no. Never mind.
That was quite a ride, Beavis.
I guess what I'm saying though is like I wish I could lie a lot, and have a big schlong. That's all.
That would rule.
You know, they really should make a Schlong-nnochio movie, 'cause then like, Jimmy Cricket could get it on with Tinkerbell, and then Peter Pan can grant him a real schlong, and they can all ride off on Dumbo. And then the cricket can be like, "Hey Tinkerbell, wanna see my seventh leg?"
Yeah, "Hey Tinkerbell, how'd you like to see something that always grows up? Know what I'm saying?"
Okay Beavis, I have an idea for a game. Every time she says "bitch" I get to smack you.
No way! Why would I do that?
Uhh, okay how about this? Every time she says "butt," you can smack me.
Okay, yeah, I mean she's the queen of butts... your funeral.
Now let the games begin.
NMNicki Minaj
...I'll cut up the bitch, I'll gut the bitch... [Butt-head begins repeatedly smacking Beavis] Had to rough up the bitch, man, cut the bitch...
[getting smacked] Ahh! Ahh! Ahh- okay, okay- I can't hear when you're smacking- ahh!
NMNicki Minaj
Won't shoot her but I will gun-butt the bitch...
Wait, I think she- ahh! [gets smacked more] Hold on! Butt-head, I said- Ahh! Ahh!
NMNicki Minaj
When we say "Gun the bitch," dick up the bitch! She was stuck-up so my niggas stuck up the bitch!
Ow! Ow! I think she said- ahh!
NMNicki Minaj
Still draggin' her, so don't pick up the bitch. Get the combination to the safe, drug the bitch. Know the whole operation been bugged the bitch...
I win. [smacks Beavis a few more times]
Dammit! I did not think she would say "bitch" so much when I agreed- [Butt-head smacks him] Ahh! Wait, Butt-head, you can't smack me when I say it! Son of a bitch! No, wait- [gets smacked again] Ahh! Dammit, this game sucks!
Dr. Feelgood
This video tells a message.
Yeah. The message is: Vince Neil is a wuss.
Yeah. That guy from Danzig could kick his ass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.