TV show quotes
[as Lil Nas X is surrounded by men in erotic clothing]
You know, Lil Nas X could probably score with any chick in this video that he wanted to, you know? And he definitely wants to.
He's all about the ladies. Did you know the X in Lil Nas X stands for "extremely interested in chicks?"
[Lil Nas X begins to caress a demon]
Wait, who's that? Is that Satan?
No, it's Darth Maul. Satan is like, part of the Marvel Universe.
Oh, yeah yeah.
Uh, remember that time that guy wanted you to be a Satanist, and then he said he'd take you to the Satanic Church, but it was just a room over his mom's garage?
Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, I thought there'd be like naked chicks and like, blood and stuff, but he just wanted to sit around and talk about low taxes, and... and Liberatarianism or something, I don't know. It's like, that's not evil, it's just stupid!
And it's also boring, Beavis. And I don't wanna hear about it either. So shut up.
Oh, and um, remind me to tell you later what he said about who controls the media. You'd be surprised, it's not who you think. Oh and you know what else? Did you know that 7-Eleven was an inside job? They don't want you to know that.
They suck.
This is like, the same dance they did in Party Rock Anthem, except they're like pretending they're choking their chicken while they're doing it. I like it.
Yeah yeah, yeah it's like, you know, they're like um, growing as artists, or something?
You know, I thought like, that the ecomony sucks, and it's like, nobody has a job, and um, these guys are just spraying around expensive champagne everywhere.
Uh. I heard they have like a really rich dad, and then that one, tall dude is the other dude's uncle, and like, their grandpa is like the same guy, so they don't care.
Whoa, really?
Yeah. It's too bad we weren't born as them.
You know, why is that? How come we were born as us?
Uhhhhhhh... I don't know.
Good news, guys. We saved the community center. Let's all dance!
Is this PBS?
Umm...uhh...I don't know.
Oh yeah.
Look at her thingies!
Yeah, yeah! I like when they push together really close.
Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah.
[a faster version of the video is playing]
Um...
Uh, this sounds different.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was slower before.
Yeah. And she was walking slower before, too, and she had bigger hooters.
Yeah.
Madonna's always, like, masturbating during her videos.
Yeah, yeah. So am I! You know, during her videos? Yeah.
Yeah, but like, when she masturbates, she's still doing it with Madonna. When you spank your monkey, you're just doing it with Beavis!
Um, that's little Beavis. Boy, if I was Madonna, I would, like, fondle my boobs constantly.
That ain't tequila talkin'...
It's not the tequila talking, but pretty soon, it's gonna be the police talking.
That guy's touching his wiener.
Yeah. Heh heh. I'm gonna touch my wiener.
If you're, like, famous, you can touch your wiener and nobody cares. [scratching his wiener, chuckling]
[the video continuously showcases a Fiat car]
How come they keep showing this car?
Well Beavis, that's because it's the Fiat 500X, the best mid-sized sedan on the market today.
Really?
That's right, Beavis.
I guess that looks pretty cool you know, but it seems like a car like that, like a 4-door you know wouldn't have like a lot of, like, pickup, you know, at the lights, you know?
That's where you're wrong, Beavis. Stupid and wrong. The Fiat's 1.3 liter multi-air turbo engine comes standard, and is equipped with fuel-saving engine stop-start technology offering 177 horsepower to dominate the road ahead.
Wow, really? That sounds amazing! But uh, I don't know, Butt-head, it is a little hard to believe, you know?
Well, the Fiat 500X will make a believer out of you, dumbass. And you know what's even more shocking, Beavis? You won't have sticker shock.
Uh, I don't know what that is, so I probably won't have it anyway.
Dammit Beavis, sticker shock means, like, it's super expensive, and the Fiat 500X is very affordable.
It's probably, like, made in some foreign country, like over in Europe or something.
Most of the parts are made right here in the good old USA, providing jobs to people like you and me.
What? Like you and me? We don't even have jobs!
No, we don't, and we never will, but if we did, we'd be working on the Fiat 500X, which Car and Driver recently called "the ultimate thrill ride." Could you see yourself driving this car, Beavis?
But what does this car have to offer someone like me who had his license suspended?
Uhhhh... it offers you nothing. Fiat doesn't want you. The Fiat is for winners only. Do you see yourself with a bus pass while I bang your mom in the backseat of the Fiat 500X with its roomy interior? Again, just like your mom.
Shut up, Butt-head.
Uhhhh, hey Beavis, look outside and check and see if there's a free Fiat out there.
Why would Fiat give you a free car?
Just go look. See if you see a Fiat 500X. [Beavis leaves to go look]
I don't see anything, Butt-head.
Uhhh, are you sure?
Yup. No cars out here at all.
Dammit. Never mind. Fiats suck. It's a tiny crap wagon.
You'd never fit in one anyway, Butt-head, 'cause you're too fat.
Yeah.
Is this that show about that deaf lawyer?
Yeah.
Hey, Beavis. I'd like to make a motion.
Yeah! Me too! [moons the TV screen]
Yes!
WHOA! "Cop Rock" reruns!
Yeah! "Cop Rock" reruns! This is cool!
This is the one where they sing in court.
No way, this is the one where they sing in that locker room.
That's the same show, dumbass. There only was one show!
Yeah, but it was cool!
[the judge stands on his bench and plays a saxophone]
No sax in court!
Yeah!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
