Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis! This video tells a story!

Beavis

Yeah. I'm pitching a tent!

Butt-head

This story sucks! Change it.

Beavis

Check it out, Butt-head, three-wheelers!

Butt-head

Yeah! Those are cool! I heard if you, like, turn really sharp on those, they'll turn over and crush you. That would be cool!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! And if you peel out, you could tear up all the plants!

Butt-head

Yeah. That's cool!

Butt-head

Divers. Go down!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

This is, like, a James Bong movie.

Beavis

Yeah. They need that short guy, Handjob to come out.

Butt-head

You said "job"!

Butt-head

Is this, like, an Irish Spring commercial? [bad Irish accent] "I might stronger than I care to be!"

Beavis

Yeah. "It is a manly soap."

Butt-head

"Manly, yes, but Beavis likes it, too!" [laughs uncontrollably]

Beavis

Shut up, bunghole! I'll kick your ass! [Butt-head continues laughing] Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Nipple rings are cool.

Beavis

Yeah, I'm gonna get one.

Butt-head

These guys kick ass.

Beavis

Yeah, they could kick our ass.

You! You got what I need! But you say he's just a friend, but you say he's just a friend, oh, baby…

Butt-head

[singing off-key] YOU!! GOT WHAT I NEE-EED!! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND!! Huh huh, I'm pretty cool.

Beavis

[also singing off-key] OH, BABY, YOOOOUUUUU!!! GOT WHAT I NEEEEEED!!! Amadeus Markie.

Butt-head

What?

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis, I'm gonna get me one of those gold chains to put around my neck.

Beavis

Me, too.

Butt-head

I would look pretty cool, huh?

Butt-head

Whoa, she's grabbing her crotch!

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah! Um...hey Butt-head, I though chicks didn't have a crotch.

Butt-head

No, dumbass. You're thinking of nads.

Beavis

Um, well, I was thinking it was a crotch, actually, but, you know...s - some girls have a crotch? Hmm. I'll be damned.

Butt-head

Quit pointing that stick at me!

Beavis

Yeah. He's just trying to show off.

Butt-head

Who are these guys?

Beavis

Yeah. Where's the fat guy?

Butt-head

Uhh...I don't know.

Butt-head

Whoa! If I had my driver's license, I'd like, run over some light bulbs.

Beavis

Yeah! Hey, Butt-head. You know what we should do, like, in the meantime? We should go get some light bulbs and stuff, and stomp on 'em!

Butt-head

Yeah! That's a good idea, Beavis!

Beavis

Yeah. Thanks.

Butt-head

Cool!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

This is cool.

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Are these guys from Seattle?

Butt-head

No, assmunch. They're American.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Cool!

Beavis

Yeah. Hey, Butt-head, Ozzy bit off the head of a cow once.

Butt-head

Yeah. That was cool! Milk poured out of his neck.

Beavis

How come it seems like every video now has a little kid in it?

Butt-head

Uhh, you got some kind of problem with kids, Beavis?

Beavis

Um, yeah, I do! They're always, like, laughing at me when I'm not looking. Yeah.

Butt-head

Uhh, grown-ups do that too, Beavis. 'Cause you're a dumbass dork.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.