Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Uhh...what is this?

Beavis

Oh, I know. This is that song "Cotton-Eyed Joe", we used to sing this in kindergarten.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. I remember that. Kindergarten was cool.

Beavis

Yeah. Kindergarten ruled. They'd give us, like, fingerpaints, and you'd just, like, mess everything up and then you'd, like, drink a bunch of Kool-Aid and then go, like, lie down on your little towel. That rules

Butt-head

That was back when school was cool.

Beavis

Yeah, really. And then sometimes, I'd go running around with my pants down, and I wouldn't get in trouble.

Butt-head

Remember that time in kindergarden, when we were playing store and you called the teacher a whore? And then you tried to give her some of that play money?

Beavis

Heh, yeah. I think that was the first time I ever got some.

Butt-head

You didn't get any, dumbass. She just spanked you and told you to shut up.

It's a Psychobilly Freakout!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's a Psychobilly Freakout! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Butt-head

This dude is weird!

Beavis

Yeah. He's like, our kind of people.

Butt-head

Uh, I think I used to see this guy down at Maxi-Mart, like, playing video games all day and like, drinking Slushies.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah, I heard he got a million points on Centipede once.

Butt-head

Yeah. He's cool!

It's a Psychobilly Freakout!

Beavis

It's a Psychobilly Freakout! Yeah, yeah! That's what it is, Butt-head! It's a Psychobilly Freakout! Everybody pull down your pants, [shaking] ah-YEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Beavis

Um, heh, hey Butt-head, what kind of music is this?

Butt-head

Uh...

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IIIISS!!!

Butt-head

Uh huh huh huh huh.

IT'S SOME KINDA TEXAS PSYCHOBILLY FREAKOUT, THAT'S WHAT IT IIISS!!!

Butt-head

I think it's, like, some kind of country music, but it's, like, country music after you've been, like, playing Centipede for, like, twenty four hours.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. This would make good music to play, like, while your playing Centipede? It's like, y'know, instead of you just goin' around goin': "DUN DUN DUN DUN DIDDLE-A DA DA DUN DUN DUN DUN DIDDLE-A DA!" Heheheheh, yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

I bet you could score a lot of points.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Yeah, maybe you could score! Yeah!

Beavis

Whoa, hey Butt-head, check it out he's a liar, you know "Liar, Liar, I'll ripped your balls out! I'll kick your ass! Liar!"

Butt-head

Shut up! Those aren't the rules.

Beavis

Whoa, whores! Check it out, Butt-head, whores!

Butt-head

Yeah. Whores rules.

So you think you're gonna live your life alone...

Beavis

Yeah!

...in darkness and seclusion.

Beavis

Darkness rules!

...and then you meet me.

Beavis

Yeah, I'd like to meet you. That'd be cool.

Butt-head

He's talking to a chick, Beavis.

Butt-head

Hey, isn't that the wrong letter on his chest?

Beavis

Oh yeah, isn't it supposed to be like a five on there, or something?

Butt-head

Yeah. Maybe because like he's a liar, he put the wrong letter on there?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. He's a liar. Liar!

Butt-head

Lying rules.

Question...

Butt-head

Queshtun.

Beavis

Queshtun.

Butt-head

That's pretty good, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, thanks.

Question!

Beavis

[parroting Sagat] Queshtun!

Why is it that every time I turn on the radio...

Beavis

Why is it that every time I turn on the rrradio...

I hear the same five songs fifteen times a day for three months...

Butt-head

Question. Why is it that Beavis is fiddling with his wiener fifteen times a day for three months?

Beavis

Shut up!

Butt-head

Funk dat!

Beavis

Question! Why is it that every time I ask Butt-head to change the channel because a video sucks, he never does it? Funk dat!

Butt-head

They should get this guy on that 16 Minutes show instead of that old Mickey Rooney dude they got. He sucks.

Beavis

Check this out, Butt-head. [imitates Andy Rooney] You know what I don't understand? Why is it that every time I pick my nose, it's full again in a few minutes? Funk dat!

Butt-head

You sound just like that buttmunch.

Beavis

Check this out, too. [imitates Andy Rooney again] How come they call it taking a dump and not leaving a dump? I mean after all, you're not really taking it anywhere. Funk dat!

Butt-head

What the hell is this?

Beavis

Um, I think this is Primus.

Butt-head

No, this is the Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids.

Beavis

Really?

Butt-head

These guys, like, crawl up into people's butts, and, like, go exploring.

Beavis

We should see these guys in concert.

Butt-head

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, the Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids.

Beavis

The Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids have left your pants.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, what are those lights for?

Butt-head

That's so they can see when they're crawling around inside your butt.

Beavis

No way, you mean it's dark in your butt?

Butt-head

Yeah. You know when they say "Stick it where the sun don't shine"? They're talking about your butt.

Beavis

Oh. I thought it meant, like, under your pillow, or something. But if it's dark inside your butt, how do the turds find their way out?

Butt-head

I think they can see in the dark, like bats.

Beavis

Oh. That makes a lot of sense.

Beavis

Is this Michael Jackson?

Butt-head

I think this is where he sleeps.

Beavis

Nah, he told Oprah he doesn't sleep in the hyperbolic chamber. He has a skin disease.

Butt-head

You watch Oprah?! [laughs] What a wuss.

Beavis

Shut up, butthole! I just watched it that once because I thought they'd show his hair on fire.