Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa! Is this The Partridge Family?

Beavis

Um...yeah!

Butt-head

I think this is Barry Manilow.

Beavis

This isn't Barry Manilow. He's blonde haired like me.

Butt-head

Yeah, and he sucks like you too.

Beavis

Yeah. I mean, no. Buttmunch.

Butt-head

Uh...uhhhhh...boy, this is horrible.

Beavis

Yeah! And it sucks too.

Butt-head

Yeah! This video, like, like if it was a turd, it would like, be like the same thing.

Beavis

Yeah. At least if this video was a turd, it would like...be kind of cool.

Butt-head

Yeah, this guy sucks! And then this guy! Just look at him!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Yeah. What a dork!

FASTER THAN A BULLET!!!! TERRIFYING SCREAM!!!!!

Beavis

[does an exaggerated impersonation of Rob Halford]

Butt-head

Hey! I feel like killing myself! I feel like killing you!

Butt-head

Uh...uh-oh. This is horrible.

Beavis

I kinda feel sorry for these guys, you know, because um, I think it's probably not their fault that they suck so much.

Butt-head

Uh...yeah it is.

Butt-head

Uh...wow. This might be the worst crap I've ever seen in my life.

Beavis

Um...this dude kinda looks like that dude from Sesame Street...The Count.

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like [imitating The Count] A-one! A-two! A-three! A-four buttknockers! Ahahahaha!

Beavis

[also imitating The Count] Ahahahahahahaha!

Butt-head

Oh boy. This is really sad. It's probably like, you know, he has kids and stuff, and he's like "Okay kids, I gotta put on my make-up and go do another show."

Beavis

Yeah, you know? It's too bad, really.

This one's called "Martin Scorsese".

Butt-head

Uhhhhhhh, "Martin Scores Easy"?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! It's hard for me to score.

Butt-head

Hey this is that dude who lost his penis!

Beavis

Yeah! He did that song about how he had a "touchable penis"!

Butt-head

This must be what happens when you lose your penis!

Beavis

Yeah! I always try to keep my johnson in my pants so I won't lose it!

Butt-head

You're pretty stupid, Beavis!

Beavis

Holy crap!

Butt-head

Whoa! What the hell is this crap?

Beavis

Oh my God!

Butt-head

Is this, like, a joke?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

I think it's safe to say that this sucks.

Butt-head

I thought people usually look cool in leather jackets?

Beavis

Yeah! What's wrong? How come these people all look like wussies?

Butt-head

Sometimes, it just doesn't work, Beavis.

Beavis

Maybe these are, like, vinyl jackets.

Butt-head

No, they're leather. You can't polish a turd, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah! I tried that once, I got, like, some dog doo-doo, and like, some, uh, black shoe polish, and then I, like, tried to polish it, but it's like, it's like, you can't polish a turd!

Butt-head

That's disgusting, Beavis! I bet it was pretty cool to try, though.

Beavis

That cop should hit him.

Butt-head

Yeah!

COOL! KIDS!

Butt-head

"Krokus"?

Beavis

No, he's saying "cool kids".

Butt-head

These are supposed to be cool kids?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah!

Butt-head

I'd hate to see the un-cool kids! This sucks!

Kill everything, kill everything...

Beavis

Yeah, okay! Kill everything. KILL EVERYTHING! Except me.

Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis. Don't you care about anybody but yourself?

Beavis

Um...uh...no. I don't care about anybody or anything, except me.

Butt-head

What about when I'm kicking your ass? Do you care about me then?

Beavis

Um...no, I just care about my ass. [In Cornholio accent] It is each man for himself! I will fight and die for myself!

Butt-head

Well, I guess that's a good thing because like, nobody likes you. And like, you can like, care about yourself, while I'm off scoring with chicks.

Butt-head

Whoa!

Beavis

HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER!

Butt-head

Settle down, dumbass.

Beavis

Whoa, Butt-head, that chick doesn't have a head!

Butt-head

Uh...oh yeah. That's like that joke, what does the perfect woman look like?

Beavis

Um, yeah, what?

Butt-head

Uh...I don't know, she's probably, you know, pretty hot. I think it's like, she has big thingys or something?

Beavis

Oh yeah, that's pretty funny. She has big thingys. It's pretty funny.