Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Excuse me, are those Bunghole Boys you're wearing?

Beavis

[laughs] Bunghole Boys.

Could you handle this?

Butt-head

Could you handle this, Beavis?

Beavis

Yeah, since I can handle this, I can probably handle that!

Butt-head

Ugh! What are you doing, Beavis?

Beavis

Doin' my monkey boy.

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, get down!

Beavis

I am gettin' down! Rat-a-tat-tat-d'atass...

Butt-head

Uh...is this another one of those damn '80s suck videos?

Beavis

Oh yeah! Oh yeah, it's from that album The Classics of Suck.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, those aren't real gorillas.

Butt-head

Yeah. They had to get fake ones, 'cause like, they knew real ones wouldn't listen to this crap. You know what animal would listen to this crap? Is a cow.

Beavis

Yeah. Cows can listen to this crap, because they have like...they have like, um, six stomachs.

Butt-head

I bet you can get a cow to listen to like, Warrant.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, who is this buttknocker anyways?

Butt-head

Uh...this is James.

Beavis

James who?

Butt-head

His parents asked him not to use their last name, because like, he sucks.

Beavis

His parents said "Son, we know you suck, and that's OK, but could you just not use our name?"

Butt-head

Yeah. And then they hugged him.

Beavis

Yeah. What a wuss!

Beavis

I can't touch this!

Butt-head

I can't watch this! [changes channel]

Beavis

Whoa, heh, she's like, seeing things! How does she do that?

Butt-head

Uh, here I'll show you, Beavis. This might hurt a little. [smacks Beavis]

Beavis

AH!!! AHH, heh, AH! Whoa! Um, heh, uh, I don't think that worked, Butt-head. Try it again!

Butt-head

Uh, okay! [smacks Beavis again]

Beavis

Whenever I go to birthday parties, I like to just, like, tear open presents and break stuff, and just run around and go: "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Butt-head

Beavis, you've never been invited to a party in your life!

Beavis

Yeah I did, remember at Stewart's party? We were, like, playing hide and seek, and I like, [laughing] climbed in the dryer, and took a poop!

Butt-head

Yeah! I bet his mom was surprised to find that present!

Butt-head

These are cool presents!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. That dude's pretty cool for an old guy!

Butt-head

Yeah. She didn't even thank him!

Beavis

Yeah, if someone gave me an axe like that, I'd say: "Thank you, sir! That's a very nice axe. That was very nice of you!"

Butt-head

Yeah, the dead dog was nice too.

Beavis

Whoa! Hey, don't look, Butt-head, that was what I was gonna get you for your birthday!

Butt-head

Uh, that would be cool.

Beavis

Now I'm gonna hafta get you what I got Stewart.

Butt-head

Beavis.

Beavis

When I was makin' one for Stewart, I made one for you too!

Butt-head

Beavis, I hope you've got insurance, because I'm about to kick your ass.

Butt-head

I think this is The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Beavis

Quit cursing, Butt-head.

Butt-head

I'm not! That's the name of the band, Beavis!

Beavis

Why would anybody name their band that?! It means like...everytime you like...say the name of the band, you're like, um, doing one of those, um...sins?

Butt-head

Yeah. They're gonna spend an eternity in Hell.

Butt-head

Oh man! What is this?

Beavis

Yeah! This guy really sucks, and I'm not just saying that either!

Butt-head

Where's he going with that magazine?

Beavis

He's going into the bathroom, and he's taking those guys with him.

Beavis

All right! A video! Yeah!

Butt-head

I like music videos.

Beavis

Yeah, because you don't just hear the band, you see 'em too.

Beavis

This is gonna be cool! I haven't seen a video in a while.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! Look, there's like a spaceship and stuff!

Butt-head

Wow!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! This is great. This is just great!

Butt-head

I didn't know something could kick this much ass.

Beavis

Yeah! Oh yeah, that's cool. That's wild.

Beavis

Ooh, she's got a bunch of arms...

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

Wow!

Beavis

That was cool!

That's unbelievable!

Beavis

Boy, I haven't seen a video in a while, that is really great!

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, got any more nutmeg?

Butt-head

I don't think so.

Beavis

That's okay. That's okay, man. I don't need any.

Beavis

Is this kid a foreigner?

Butt-head

No, buttmunch! He's just too young to know how to talk yet.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. I knew how to talk, like, right when I was born.

Butt-head

Really? That's pretty cool.

Beavis

I said, "First, I, like, want something to eat, and then I'm gonna take a dump." It was cool.

Butt-head

Wait a minute, Beavis. I thought you flunked kindergarten because you didn't know how to talk.

Beavis

Oh, you mean, like, talking out loud? That's a whole 'nother story, Butt-head.