Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Old Butt-head

If I was stranded on a lifeboat with that girl, I'd be like, "Hey baby. You ever do it on a boat with three dudes in raincoats, masturbating?"

Old Beavis

"Yeah, make that four."

Old Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis, you're messing up my flow again.

Old Beavis

What country's army is this?

Old Butt-head

I think it's like, Europe. Tyler, the Creator's gonna overthrow America.

Old Beavis

Yeah yeah, I think he should overthrow America, you know, because um, because he's got a lot of good ideas, and he's not like these other politicians, you know? He tells it like it is, you know? And he's concerned about my tax dollars, and he says all the things that everyone else afraid to say, you know?

Old Butt-head

Whoa! He's stepping on the army's heads!

Old Beavis

Yeah, yeah, exactly! All these politicians, they don't have the guts to step on people's heads. And all these fat cats in Washington, and these companies in bed with the corporations, and the councils of... representatives... he's in bed with chicks!

Old Butt-head

Yeah. He'll drain the swamp.

Old Beavis

Yeah yeah, then he'll drain the main vein. [Tyler is in a ghost costume] See, he's just like us. He puts on a Charlie Brown ghost outfit, you know... [the costume turns into a swarm of bees] See, now he's turning into bees, you know? Just like us. Like a working man do.

Old Butt-head

Uhhh, so you'd vote for this guy?

Old Beavis

No no no, I'm not gonna vote, no no. That seems like a big hassle, you know? You know I always say, "Don't blame me, I didn't vote."

Beavis

Hey, check it out Butt-head, that's that word.

Butt-head

Yeah. That's that word they put on bathrooms.

Beavis

Yeah. I must mean, like, "crap," or something.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Hey, that's that word again.

Butt-head

Crap is singing.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Crap is on the telephone.

Butt-head

Yeah. This turd found a guitar.

Beavis

And this piece of crap is playing the drums. Yeah.

Beavis

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Butt-head

Dillweed.

Beavis

He's got one of those attention headaches.

Butt-head

Yeah. He's got an attention headaches this big.

Beavis

Sometimes, like, when I get a headache, it's like, I hit myself in the head really hard, and, it's like, it just makes it hurt worse.

Butt-head

You're pretty stupid, Beavis. Next time I have a headache, I'd like to try hitting you in the head.

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah. That would be cool.

Butt-head

Is this "art"?

Beavis

This "means" something.

Butt-head

Yeah, huh-huh-huh. It means something stupid.

Beavis

Oh no, I think this is that video where this guy just sits there and, like, mumbles the whole time.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

I think it's called "Numb."

Butt-head

It should be called "Dumb."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. [reacts to someone tying a rope around The Edge's eyes] Yeah, yeah, get his mouth! Yeah, tie it around his mouth!

Butt-head

Yeah. Tie his jaw shut.

Butt-head

That guy's saying, [softly] "Uh, excuse me, Edge? This really sucks, maybe we shouldn't do this."

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

And then Bono's saying, "If you don't stop singing, I'm gonna make out with you."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah. "And I'm gonna rub my chin all over your boobs."

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Wait a minute! This is cool.

Beavis

Boy, he's got a lot of self-control not to like, you know, do anything about that.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah, but you can't see his hands.

Beavis

Ohh yeah. Oh yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Kick him! Yeah, there you go, yeah. Shove your foot in his mouth!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Ooh, yuck! She just kissed him where that chick put her feet! That's yucky!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Check this out. [a man whispers in The Edge's ear] "Thank you very much, Edge, now will you please get the Hell outta here?"

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. "Up yours." [The Edge appears to give the man the finger] Yeah.

Butt-head

What is this?

Beavis

Yeah. What is this?

Butt-head

This is that Ugly Kid Chode.

Beavis

How come he calls himself "Ugly Kid" and it's like, he's not even that ugly?

Butt-head

Do you find him attractive, Beavis?

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. Shut up!

Beavis

All right, Van Halen!

Butt-head

Van Halen kicks ass!

Beavis

Yeah-hh!

Butt-head

Uh...

Uh...

Beavis

Um...hmm...

Butt-head

Uh, ohh boy.

Beavis

Umm, is this Van Halen?

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, but it's like, where's Eddie?

Beavis

Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, how could they fire Van Halen from Van Halen?!

Butt-head

Yeah.