Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Look at all these people just lying around like a bunch of lazy slobs!

Beavis

Yeah yeah, really. They need to get up and get a job!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Dammit!

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. What Izzy?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Who Izzy?

Butt-head

Izzy quit Guns N' Roses 'cause Axl's a wuss.

Beavis

Yeah. He kicked Axl's ass! He kicked him! Kicked him! And he hit him!

Butt-head

Settle down, Beavis! You're gonna hose your shorts.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! Look at that car.

Beavis

Yeah. It's all, like, long.

Butt-head

Mass transit is cool.

Beavis

Yeah. I like ass transit, too.

Butt-head

Hey! Where's Tito?

Beavis

This is that Jermaine dude.

Butt-head

They're in a rubber!

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

This should have been the Super Bowl halftime show.

Beavis

Yeah! That would've been cool!

Butt-head

Yeah. They could've had everybody get inside a big rubber.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Guess where his hand's been!

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

TITOOO!

Beavis

Tito's cool.

Butt-head

Yeah. Tito rules! He used to be in The Village People.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

I can't touch this!

Butt-head

I can't watch this. [changes channel]

Butt-head

Hammers are cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! I like to take hammers and break stuff—just break stuff. Break it!

Beavis

Oh yeah. I've seen this video before. A chick squats later. You know...

Butt-head

Uh, really? Can you see some cheek?

Beavis

Oh, I don't know.

Butt-head

Get it on, bang your schlong.

Beavis

Yeah, and then there's that other part: "get it on, bang a schlong, with your...dong."

Butt-head

Yeah. Schlong.

Beavis

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU READY TO GET WILD?

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Butt-head

Uh huh.

Beavis

I WANNA ASK YOU ONE QUESTION, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Butt-head

Okay.

Beavis

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Butt-head

Buttmunch.

Beavis

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME, um, uh, who are these guys?

Butt-head

Uh, Jesus Lizard.

Beavis

Um, PLEASE WELCOME JESUS, ah, LIZARD! Yeah. I - I'm pretty good at that, yeah. I oughta be one of those guys. I bet - I bet I could do that.

Butt-head

Beavis, you would suck! The audience would, like, start booing, and then the band would kick your ass.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! You know, one of my teachers told me I had special abilities. Dumbass.

Butt-head

Beavis...

Beavis

Butthole.

Butt-head

...she just said that 'cause you're stupid!

Beavis

Uh...oh, really?

Butt-head

These guys aren't too bad for one of those Jesus bands.

Beavis

Yeah. They don't really sound like Christian rock, though.

Butt-head

Uh, no, I mean like, you know, for one of those bands that has "Jesus" in their name.

Beavis

Ohhh yeah, yeah, yeah, there's like, about 900 of those bands...you know, The Jesus and Mary, uh, Joseph, like, 900-Foot Jesus, you know.

Butt-head

Yeah. And most of 'em suck!

Butt-head

Whoa! That guy has bigger boobs than she does.

Beavis

Yeah. Maybe we should touch them.

Butt-head

It's a dude, Beavis!

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. I forgot. He does has big boobs, though.